Advice For Couples Starting Out

Click on picture for larger image At Catholic Dads, there has been some discussions on the pluses and minuses of NFP (Natural Family Planning - for those who don't know it is an effective way to plan when children are born without resorting to artificial contraceptives). I don’t want to comment directly on that discussion, but I do want to share my perspective guided by my own experiences on family planning. I am not judging anyone (except perhaps myself), just hoping that insights I have gained from my experience might help a new or soon to be husband. We got married at 23, and did not have our first child until 28. We planned it that way. We got married knowing that a family was important to us, but the conventional wisdom was to go to school and get financially settled - and we bought that "wisdom." When we got married, I was just starting five years of graduate school and Mrs. K had a year left as an undergrad and then got a masters degree. We were busy getting set for the “future.” My daughter was born about a month before I finished my dissertation - so we timed it pretty close to plan. That was more than 10 years ago. Having children changes everything, including how you see the world. As I look back, I regret that we followed the conventional wisdom. I am sorry we waited until we had finished our schooling. The most fulfilling part of my life is my relationship with my wife and children. I waited five years to discover what God had in store for me. Further, it installed a habit of looking at family set against finance and career. My degree has allowed me to do well for myself, but I have found the the more money I have made, the less happy I have been (it takes time to make money). This makes sense when we realize that we are created to love one another, not to be consumers or workaholics. In the end, the conventional wisdom sets up a pattern of choosing financial wellbeing over family life and spiritual wellbeing. I have some advice to those just setting out, or those waiting to have kids. It stems from my wishing I had done differently. It is this: Don’t wait to have kids, and don’t limit your love by a number. God will provide what is needed. Have faith.

Authentic Masculinity

Fr Stephanos O.S.B. from Me Monk. Me Meander recommends two articles for Catholic Dads, but I thought they were worth posting here as well. The Firemen of Sept. 11 and the Meaning of Masculinity What’s a real man? He's not a bully or a wimp. He transcends his own ego, his own fears, his own selfishness, and sacrifices himself as a gift to those he's called to protect. Here is a quote from the article: "The reason gay marriage seems plausible to some people is that our understanding of masculinity is blurred, thanks to 35 years of hostility to authentic manhood in the universities, in the media, in the arts. There's a masculinity crisis in our society and in the Church. The divorce rate is at 50-percent. Fatherless families are common. Catholic priests are in crisis. Many men aren't doing what they're supposed to do." The Father Almighty, Maker of Male and Female A Psychologist Looks at the Importance of God the Father for Male & Female Identity And a quote: "IT IS WIDELY RECOGNIZED today that the Christian concept of God as Father is under attack. Specifically, various religious writers, primarily feminists, have proposed that God should be called Mother, or possibly the androgynous Father/Mother or Mother/Father. In some instances the term God as Parent has been proposed. In contrast, this paper will explore the psychological case for the orthodox understanding of God as Father. Obviously, this is a sensitive subject today—but where angels fear to tread, psychologists rush in."

Fatherhood & Faith

Click on picture for larger image Check out this 2003 article in Touchstone titled “The Truth About Men & Church.” It is about the role of fathers in the transmission of faith. Here is an excerpt: “In short, if a father does not go to church, no matter how faithful his wife’s devotions, only one child in 50 will become a regular worshipper. If a father does go regularly, regardless of the practice of the mother, between two-thirds and three-quarters of their children will become churchgoers (regular and irregular). If a father goes but irregularly to church, regardless of his wife’s devotion, between a half and two-thirds of their offspring will find themselves coming to church regularly or occasionally. A non-practicing mother with a regular father will see a minimum of two-thirds of her children ending up at church. In contrast, a non-practicing father with a regular mother will see two-thirds of his children never darken the church door. If his wife is similarly negligent that figure rises to 80 percent!” "....You cannot feminize the church and keep the men, and you cannot keep the children if you do not keep the men." I think our example as men doing what is right while facing the “realities” of the world is the most powerful weapon we have in safeguarding the faith of our children. As a church, the battle is clear - to ensure our future, we must engage fathers. Btw, if your a Catholic dad, consider joining Catholic Dads.

Catholic Dad Site

Icon is from St. Joseph Melkite Catholic Church Well, since there was enough interest, I went ahead and started the Catholic Dads blog. It is at http://catholic-dads.blogspot.com/ Check it out, join the group. Get on the blog roll, and post the roll on your site. We are still working on a graphic. If you would like to contribute let us know. If you have any suggestions, post a comment or drop me a line. Would the following Dad's please send me their email so I can add you as blog authors. My email is robk at kaiserfam.com (replacing at with @). Paul at Thoughts of a Regular Guy Tim at The Lapped Catholic Joel at On the Other Foot William at Full Circle Darren at My Catholic Reflections Jay at Pro Ecclesia * Pro Familia * Pro Civitate

What is in a name - more for Catholic Dads

OK, there are eight of us so far and eight is enough. Enough for charter membership. Here are the dads that have stepped up: Paul at Thoughts of a Regular Guy Tim at The Lapped Catholic (Tim has also volunteered his graphic talents for a logo or badge) Joel at On the Other Foot William at Full Circle Rich at EyeHackerBlog Darren at My Catholic Reflections (let me know if you want to point to one of your other blogs) Jay at Pro Ecclesia * Pro Familia * Pro Civitate Rob at Kyrie Eleison On the agenda: We need a name. Post some suggestions. I'll start with Catholic Dads or St. Joe's Place We need a graphic. Tim, you volunteered - want to take a stab at it? I am thinking something that we can use for our side bars. We need a home. I'll set-up a blog site (with the eight of us as owners/moderators). This spot can be used for dad related posts, but also a spot for Dad's to sign-up. I'll also get a blogroll started for folks to post on their blogs. Am I missing anything? If anyone else is interested - step right up and let us know. If anyone wants to contact me directly, i am at robk at kaiserfam dot com