I have been waiting to use this picture for Photo Hunt ever since I saw that "Pink" was on the list. It comes from a mall attached to a Casino in Vegas (Bellagio, I think). It shows bouquets of pink flowers that are "falling" from the ceiling.
There is little left of the feel of the old mission at San Rafael given the damage caused during secularization imposed by the Mexican Government. General Vallejo appropriated all of the mission resources and hired Mission Indians to destroy their own mission.
This is a new kitchen tool we purchased this week, and have already used multiple times. We are looking to make much more of our own food, and this is a practical tool for achieving that goal. And I like how it looks. It just needs to get the racing flames so I can be like Alton Brown. :)
Parents have a special gift. In many ways we get a glimpse of what God's relationship with us is like through our relationship with our children. I have seen how their growth and development cause me delight and I believe that this is a shadow of the delight God feels when we develop spiritually.
As parents we can see other aspects to God's relationship with us that may be hard for non-parents to see - we can see what it is like to feel God's wrath. Remember when the Israelites are in the desert and they are worshiping the golden calf, and God tells Moses to move out of the way so he can take them out? Well, parents know what that feels like. Not just to be disobeyed, anyone in authority knows that one. No, parents know what it is like to be disobeyed by someone whom they created, someone they love above all else.
So, parents, next time you feel that wrath state, remember the gift that it is. You are getting a glimpse of that relationship that God has with each of us when we stray. And don't forget to show mercy - I hear it helps when we are seeking mercy ourselves.
I was up in Pismo Beach about a month ago. This was a the view of the coast from up on the cliffs. I thought the curvy shapes of the waves along the shore fit well with today's topic.
Californians are very familiar with this contraption, the seismograph. After every earthquake there is always a shot of a seismograph with a talking head from someone at Cal Tech in Pasadena. Well, now I've got my own picture of one!
A Seismograph is basically a roll of paper with a pen suspended above it, and it records movement. Thankfully, nothing more than these little lines here in So Cal for a while. I doubt I will take a picture of the "big one." No, I hope to be visiting family in Indiana when that one occurs. Now if we could only predict it so I can make the travel arrangements....
I have a group of fellow Catholic men that meet weekly (most weeks anyways) to share our journeys and hold one another accountable. One question we ask ourselves each week was when we were most aware of Christ's presence. At a meeting at my parish, a similar question came up - where do I see Christ.
I find this question a tough one some times. Not because I don't see Christ, but because when I look, I see him everywhere.
I see him in the priest who so reverently says mass. I see him in the charismatic man who shares our faith with our protestant brothers & sisters. I see him in the woman who runs the Life Center. I see him in the woman who uses her connections to raise funds for the parish. I see him in the young woman who is working with the youth. I see him in my wife when she is doing all that she does for our children. I see him in my children almost every time I look. I see him in the homeless man pushing his cart down the street. I see him in my faith brothers as they struggle on their journey. I see him in the posts of Catholic bloggers as they share their faith. I see him in the man struggling with his vice.
When I look, I see him. It is only when I don't look that I don't see.
I wasn't sure I'd actually get a chance to use this pic. It is one of my favorites of my boy that I took some time ago. That plastic police car was one of his favorite toys.
We just returned from a weekend at Pismo Beach with my folks, my brother and two sisters, and the beginnings of the next generation (my three kids and my sister's one). It was absolutely beautiful. We had a room that overlooked the ocean. After morning prayers on Saturday, I stepped out onto th balcony, and the only words that came to me were "He made the sea, it belongs to him." It was breathtaking. What a way to start Mary's birthday. The picture above is that very view from the room where we were staying.
We were in here to celebrate my daughter's birthday which just past, and my father's which is coming up. The day was planned so that we watched my daughter take surf lessons in the morning (she seemed a natural - up on her very first try), had lunch, and then my siblings, brother-in-law, wife, and I would go kayaking. The picture to the left is of my oldest having her first surf lessons.
This was my first time kayaking, but everyone else had been at least once. Being new, I had no say about where we launched, but where plays into the story. We ended up launching from Shell Beach, about a mile or so north of Pismo Beach. The tide was coming in, and the swells were substantial, but manageable. In that area, you do have to manage your way among many rock islands full of seals and sea birds. It is breathtaking (both because of the beauty and because the animals reek).
My youngest sister (not yet 21) started to have a panic attack as the kayak she and my other sister shared came close to some mostly submerged rocks that they had not seen (we were about 100 yards out). While I have never had a panic attack, I understood the worry about smashing into rocks. But we got her calmed without incident, but she wanted to head on back, so we did (this was about 20 minutes into the adventure).
The folks at the kayak company had told us to come back straight in between two narrow jutting strips of rock. The surf was definitely coming in, and it wasn't easy to see where you were going. My brother went first and made it to the beach - no problem. My wife and I in a tandem boat also made it to shore without a hitch. But the boat with my two sisters, overturned in the surf about 30 feet out.
If you are familiar with Pismo Beach, you probably know that it is a sandy beach where the water is only chest high a 50 yards out - easy as pie. So when my sister (the one who panicked) sent up a shout, we thought it was in joy at having finished. It took a couple seconds to realize that something was wrong.
Shell Beach is not sand (nor shell). It's bottom is a floor of sharp, uneven, slippery rocks. My sisters were getting their feet cut and unable to get into shore since they had worn flip-flops (not tennis shoes like me or gripping sandals like my brother-in-law). My brother-in-law is a former life guard. He was able to calm my youngest sister, while I helped my other sister (his wife) make it to shore. The good news was that we were able to get them in safely - plenty of cuts on feet and legs, but safe. It is scary to think about going over into those rocks like they did. A sharp rock to the head....
We thanked God for our guardian angels and for our Blessed Mother looking out for us on her birthday. Things could have gone much, much worse.
I have another story from our weekend adventures tomorrow.
In going through some of my pictures I came across this one I took a few years back. I think it fits perfect. It was helmet day, and we got there early - have to teach 'em young that you have to show up for batting practice. :)
The reason for the lack of posts is that we have been on vacation for the past week or so. Thanks, for the prayers well wishes, especially from Amber. It is nice to know that someone noticed - sometimes you wonder if people actually read what you write.
We continued our California Mission pilgrimage with visits to 6 missions in the San Francisco Bay area - San Francisco Solano, San Francisco de Asisi (Mission Dolores), San Raphael, San Jose (which is not in the city of San Jose), Santa Clara, and Santa Cruz. I hope to have pictures up soon, but am well behind on that front.
I should get back in the posting groove again, but it is not easy. I did not miss remaining in constant contact with technology on my trip. The laptop was used just to store pictures once the memory cards were full. Email went unread, and the web went unexplored. It was refreshing. Kind of makes it tough to get back into the groove of things. Expect to see more here once I get things sorted out on this end.
We were married 16 years ago. They have been 16 joy filled years. God has blessed me in so many ways, not least of which is my loving spouse. I don't know where I would be without her, but it doubt it would be very good.
To my dearest wife: Thank you for giving me all of you these 16 years! May the Lord bless us with at least 50 more. May our life together be holy in the eyes of God. May our family grow in size and in faith. May our love fill us and overflow into the world.
I may have been trying too hard to be creative on this one. It is oil on asphalt after a rain. I zoomed in thinking it was a cool abstract - kind of Jackson Pollock.
This one was harder. I had a couple ideas but did not execute. I did have this shot - I really like the sunlight in my daughter's hair when we were at the beach. Maybe a bit of a stretch for the theme, but...
Click on picture for larger image
...not long after the first picture she cut off her hair and donated it for children suffering from cancer. Very noble. But I do miss that long hair. Credit for the second picture goes to my wife.
Our California Mission pilgrimage continues (though I am a couple weeks behind on getting the pictures up). Today, I have Mission San Buenaventura. This mission was the 9th founded by Blessed Junipero Serra in 1782. It is one of six missions in the Los Angeles Archdiocese (San Gabriel, San Fernando, San Buenaventura, Santa Barbara, Santa Ines, La Purisima Concepcion). As with most of the missions it is still an active parish.
California fourth graders have to do reports on the Missions as part of California history. Fourth graders are welcome to use my images for their reports (if allowed by their teachers).
This one was easy. I had done this photo studying differences in leather, but the father daughter theme took hold. This is particularly appropriate for Fathers Day.
Our family has been on a local pilgrimage to visit all 21 of the California Missions. So far we have visited San Gabriel, San Fernando (the pictures there weren't so good so we are going back there), San Juan Capistrano, San Luis Rey, Santa Barbara, San Diego and San Buenaventura.
I have a couple of the pix for Mission San Diego visit in this post. If you click on one of the images, it will take you to my San Diego Mission photo album. San Diego was the first mission, established in 1769.
California fourth graders have to do reports on the Missions as part of California history. Fourth graders are welcome to use my images for their reports (if allowed by their teachers).
I took this shot at the LA County Arboretum in Arcadia about a month ago. There are peacocks running loose all over (not to mentions some beautiful grounds). If you live in or plan on visiting So Cal, it is definitely worth a visit. They did some film and TV series there as well, including the Fantasy Island intro scene where Tattoo say "Da plane! Da plane!"
I have been wanting to start combining my photos with quotes. Here is my first attempt. You can click on the picture for a larger image. I know at least one person who visits my blog who will likely recognize the cross. :)
I went with the process of cooking rather than the alternate "cooked." I took this shot last Saturday as we were enjoying a wonderful sunny afternoon. Looks so good, I think we'll do it again this Saturday. :)
My son made his first communion last Saturday. I wanted to post on this earlier, but I didn't for a couple reasons. One reason was that I am swamped. The second is that I have more than just joy to share.
First the part that was less joyful. The parish decided that they would lead with announcements about not kneeling after Communion. I prefer to have first communion done at a separate, special mass on Saturday morning instead of during the "Sunday" mass on Saturday evening. We also had to leave our two daughters with my parents because communicants sat with parents (not family, as siblings were explicitly excluded) rather than together. Every third child or so carried in butterflies during the procession (what does that have to do with Holy Communion) Then to top it off, my sons first Communion included a bit of liturgical abuse with the children called to gather around the altar during the consecration. As they were coming down from the altar for the sign of peace they handed out roses to the children to give to their parents. Way too much extra-curricular activity takes away from the entire point of the day - it isn't about butterflies or standing with the priest or felt banners or roses for the parents - it is about the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist and children now at the age of reason able to receive Him.
Here is where the joy is. My boy got it. We had spent years talking about this day - he got the point. The day was about the first time he received the body and blood of Jesus Christ, his Lord and God. This day was extremely important to him and he was so reverent at mass. After Communion, in spite of the admonition about kneeling, he fell on his knees - not even bothering with a kneeler!
I recently started entering some of my pictures in photo contests at worth1000.com. I had a few "jury picks" which are like honorable mention. But in my third contest, I came in third place. So I thought I would share. This is a picture of light pillars outside of Bally's Casino in Las Vegas. The photo contest was to find colored patterns.
This is a not a big deal contest, but it is kind of fun.
I am in a bowling league and we had our final games in Vegas this past weekend. We had fun - the whole family took a drive across the desert and rented a house for the weekend. Now, you may think it odd that on the way to Vegas we listened to a CD on confession, but that is what we did. A friend who is part of my Cursillo 4th day meeting group gave me three CDs to listen to. I got something out of all three CDs, but the one that I wanted to share here was the on confession.
It was a talk by Fr. Larry Richards. It starts with a focus on God's love and forgiveness, but to understand forgiveness we must understand sin and our own sinfulness. He goes through a very challenging and engaging review of the 10 Commandments as an examination of conscience. Father gave me quite a bit to think about for my next confession.
The point that got me most was his discussion of the first commandment. For those who forgot, I have it here:
"'I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments. " (my emphasis)
Fr. Larry was talking about how we focus on the rules, but it is all about our relationship with God. People don't think about violating the First commandment, but it is most important. We are to put God FIRST. But we all fail. It got me thinking about how am I not putting God first in my life. If I can start each day asking how am I putting God first, and end each night evaluating how I did - I think I will be in a much better spot.
Fr. Larry has a site at www.thereasonforourhope.org. There is more on the site, but let me point out two directly related points of interest. You can buy the CD on the site for $7 or download the mp3 for $2 (specifically here). There is also a PDF "sin list" examination of conscience that is worth reading (click here).
Looks like another light week on the feast questions.
Appetizer What is your favorite kind of bread? Sourdough, of course.
Soup When was the last time you bought a new pillow? I bought one last year for my wife - one of the conforming kind that they sell in Brookstone. It was a body length pillow that was really helpful with the pregnancy.
Salad Approximately how many hours per week do you spend surfing the ‘net? My lawyer advises me that I should exercise my fifth amendment right. Needless to say it is more hours than I watch TV.
Main Course What’s the highest you remember your temperature being? I have no idea. It was so long ago and I was so delirious, I just couldn't tell you.
Dessert Fill in the blanks: When I ____________, I _____________. When I let go, I am much happier.
At Catholic Dads, there has been some discussions on the pluses and minuses of NFP (Natural Family Planning - for those who don't know it is an effective way to plan when children are born without resorting to artificial contraceptives). I don’t want to comment directly on that discussion, but I do want to share my perspective guided by my own experiences on family planning. I am not judging anyone (except perhaps myself), just hoping that insights I have gained from my experience might help a new or soon to be husband.
We got married at 23, and did not have our first child until 28. We planned it that way. We got married knowing that a family was important to us, but the conventional wisdom was to go to school and get financially settled - and we bought that "wisdom." When we got married, I was just starting five years of graduate school and Mrs. K had a year left as an undergrad and then got a masters degree. We were busy getting set for the “future.” My daughter was born about a month before I finished my dissertation - so we timed it pretty close to plan. That was more than 10 years ago.
Having children changes everything, including how you see the world. As I look back, I regret that we followed the conventional wisdom. I am sorry we waited until we had finished our schooling. The most fulfilling part of my life is my relationship with my wife and children. I waited five years to discover what God had in store for me. Further, it installed a habit of looking at family set against finance and career. My degree has allowed me to do well for myself, but I have found the the more money I have made, the less happy I have been (it takes time to make money). This makes sense when we realize that we are created to love one another, not to be consumers or workaholics. In the end, the conventional wisdom sets up a pattern of choosing financial wellbeing over family life and spiritual wellbeing.
I have some advice to those just setting out, or those waiting to have kids. It stems from my wishing I had done differently. It is this:
Don’t wait to have kids, and don’t limit your love by a number. God will provide what is needed. Have faith.
I am not a numismatist nor a philatelist, but I did deal in coins as a hobby for a few years, and had some stamps from back then as well. The walking liberty half dollar (in center of picture) is my favorite US coin design.
This weeks feast seems a bit on the light side. Which is not bad given a surge in work requirements.
Appetizer When you were a child, which crayon color was your favorite? Blue. Definitely blue. In fact, it is still my favorite.
Soup On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being highest), how likely would you be to change jobs if it required you to move? 2 - the only reason it is not a 1 is that I leave open the possibility of divine correction. But I have moved from So Cal to Portland to the Bay area back to So Cal and then to Atlanta, all for work. I am back in So Cal for good. At least that is my plan.
Salad Take all the numbers in your birthday and your phone number and add them up, one by one. What’s the total? 85. And...?
Main Course Have you ever “re-gifted” anything? If so, what was it and who did you pass it on to? Sort of. I have re-gifted a box. It was a wood wine box. It held one bottle and was decorated nicely. It really served no function - I used the wine, put in a new bottle, and gave to my boss. I think I saw a fellow employee with it at a later point.
Dessert Name something you need from the store. Diet soda and tri-tips for grilling.
I have added Mission San Luis Rey to our list of California Mission sites. Unfortunately, they do not allow pictures inside the church - but let me tell you the altar and art work are awe inspiring.
The Easter Triduum starts this evening with the Mass of the Lord's supper where we celebrate the institution of the Eucharist, peaks during the Easter Vigil Saturday night, and ends with evening prayers on Easter Sunday. This is the holiest time in the Church Calendar. Because of this I will be offline through Easter Sunday.
To my blogging friends who will be officially joining the Church this Easter Vigil, I'll be praying for you and celebrating your homecoming at our own parish's Easter Vigil.
May the peace of the risen Christ be with all of you and your families.
I've got two for you today. The first is of the Avalon waterfront on Catalina Island at dusk.
Click on picture for larger image
The second image is a little older (sorry for image quality). It is of the Pismo Beach shoreline from cliffs above the town. I think the rock in the foreground looks like a bear's head. I took this on our 10th wedding anniversary in 2001.
Appetizer What are you proud of? That in my late 30's I have survived much of the cynicism of this world and have not only held onto my faith, but seen it grow. All we have is from God. I am frequently grateful, but try hard to fight pride.
Soup What is the best thing you’ve ever won as a prize? In Vegas I hit a royal flush on video poker. Our biggest win was $1,000. But sad to say - I am down (not even) when it comes to Vegas. I haven't been in 5 years, but am scheduled in a few weeks for the end of my bowling league.
Salad Name something you do that is a waste of time. Besides blogging? :D I will occasionally play a video game or two.
Main Course In what year of your life did you change the most? This one is tough. There are several nominees - but two come to mind. My life changed the most the year I finished my dissertation, my daughter was born, I "sold out" of academics for the business world, and we moved to Oregon. That was on heck of a year. LOTS OF CHANGE.
As for when I changed the most, that is harder to say because changes in the self is typically more gradual. However, two years ago I started working for myself. I must say that I have changed for the better since then. Corporate culture can corrupt the soul of those placed in positions of authority. I am so glad I am out of it. I am a better father, husband and Christian because of it.
Dessert Where is a place you consider to be very tranquil? Ocean, mountains, desert. Quiet, with no one there. Preferably with big sky and/or lots of water.
We were out in the high desert not long ago. I just stopped, and listened to the silence. I looked up at the gorgeous blue sky and out across the dramatic landscape. I breathed in the smells of the dessert brush. I was struck with awe. I took a photo at that moment. You can see it by clicking here.
I had a similar experience one night as we were driving through Bryce Canyon National Park some 12 years ago. We pulled over to rest on a long drive (we made it from LA to Chicago in 3 days). It was after midnight, and nobody was around when I got out of the car and looked up at the most incredible sky I have ever seen before or after. Oh my, that image is still with me.
I haven't called out my Photo365 project in a while. This was today's picture. You can see all I have so far this year by clicking here.
K of C stands for Knights of Columbus. Any practical Catholic men out there (in union with the Holy See and who practices the precepts of the Catholic Church), click here to check out the Knights of Columbus online, or ask at your parish about the local council.
Saturday in So Cal was overcast - we call it June gloom (even when it isn’t June - what do you want, we’re nuts, remember). So the family packed it in, dog and all, and headed east to the mountains (about 15 miles away). Being further inland the overcast was starting to burn off when we got there. We stopped and took pictures at different spots. Got out and went down to a creek (the boy stepped in it, shoe and all of course). It was really pleasant.
Well we decided to take a winding road back for the scenery. As we were driving, I saw this tree that had burned and really wanted a photo of it. As I was out of the car, I heard the roar of motorcycles. Looking ahead a couple turns I saw four bikes racing toward me. I got set and took a several shots as they rounded the corner. I was pretty excited – I am not usually in a place for an action shot, and this one just appeared out of nowhere.
The whole thing got me thinking about life in general, and I saw two parallels to this event. First, life is largely about being ready in the right place at the right time. It isn’t just the events. You have to be prepared - even if you don’t know what, if anything, is coming around the turn. But if you’re ready, you might catch the right shot.
The other point is that sometimes, being in the right place at the right time may be an opportunity in a supporting role or as a witness. I suspect there are more than a few men like me who enjoy being the main character. Sometimes, we are there for other people’s actions.
I think God is asking us to be ready. Do what we are call to do now, yes, but also prepare - be ready. What for? I'm not sure, but I bet it will be worthwhile.
Appetizer Who is your favorite news anchor/reporter? Why? Sorry, don't have one. I don't watch TV news. I get my news largely online or in news papers. I find TV news pretty inane.
Soup Name 3 foods that are currently in your freezer. 1. Tri-tip for grilling 2. Chicken for frying 3. Stew meat for chile colorado
Salad If you were to have the opportunity to name a new town or city, what would you call it? Springfield, because a country can't have too many Springfields. Or if I am in California, San Roberto - because I don't think we have a city named for Saint Robert.
Main Course What will most likely be the next book you read? For spiritual reading, I was given Habits of the Soul, so I'll check that out. For pleasure, probably 100 Years of Solitude - I have it, and have been meaning to read it.
Dessert What's the first thing you notice about the opposite gender? Is it my wife or not. If not, than there is nothing worth noticing. :-)
I don't usually put up pix of the kids unless there is a special occasion, but I wanted to share Gracie's 4 month picture. My wife took this shot. I'm not sure if it is the subject, photographer or both, but I like it!
Happy St. Patrick's Day. I woke up with an idea for the Corona pic, but with St. Paddy's Day, and me havin' lots o' Irish in me, I had to add the Jameson's. Have a great day!
This is Royce Hall at UCLA. I taught part-time there - it is a really beautiful campus (even though my loyalties do rest with USC in the cross town rivalry).
Sorry about getting this out so early, but I'll be out of town this weekend.
This story is only a few months old, and it happened to my wife when she was still pregnant with Gracie. My wife is a part-time music teacher at our kids Catholic school. Well, the school was looking for a new kindergarten teacher, and my wife recommended our neighbor/friend from a couple doors down who is both Catholic and credentialed. Anyways, our friend got the job. This story happens on the start of the year retreat for the teachers.
By the end of the first day, the returning teachers had gotten to know the new kindergarten teacher, but they were still curious. One way or the other they had heard that the new teacher had had bariatric surgery (and later surgery to remove excess skin) and was missing a belly button. This is definitely a curious thing. My wife, our neighbor and two other teachers were all driving together to the retreat on the second morning. They were starting to walk up a set of stairs when out of the blue, one of the teachers asked about the reported lack of a belly button.
Now, no one has ever asked to see my belly button so I don't know how awkward the moment was, but it must have been awkward. Awkward or not, our neighbor stopped and shared claim to fame with her new colleagues. This must have taken only 10 seconds or so, but it was enough. Just as they started again to climb the stairs, a lady in the parking lot above lost control of her car and plowed it through the pedestrian area at the top landing. If they had not stopped for the story, people would have died.
I thank God that my wife and new daughter are with me today.
So why share these? I had in my mind that such things did not happen to me. But over the past week all three of these events came to my attention. These aren't water into wine miracles, but I think they are miracles none the less. They show me the extreme fragility of life, and what is important. They show me that God is watching out for me and my family. They make me ask for what purpose we have been spared these tragedies. God has a purpose, and it will be revealed in proper time. These incidences remind me of that.
We moved to Atlanta from So Cal when my boy was 2 years old. I had a huge opportunity and if the market had gone differently we would have been set financially. God had other plans, and we eventually moved back to So Cal. But this story is about the move to ATL.
When we move from LA, I was flabbergasted by the tremendous difference in what your money could buy. That difference and a new promotion resulted in a pretty nice house - big yard, an Atlanta address, and a pool in the back.
Moving across the country was hectic with all of the details, plus the emotions involved with leaving family. Well, we and the movers were finally at the house. The movers had all of the doors open moving stuff in through both the front and back of the house. We set the kids down to play and told them to stay put, especially when the back door was open. We kept a careful eye out while the doors were open, not wanting any lost or injured kids.
The movers were just about done, bringing in the last few things. We were starting the task of opening boxes. The girl was coloring at the table, and the boy was playing - at least that is what we thought.
My daughter dropped a marker, and she moved to pick it up. As she bent down, she saw my son flailing about in the deep end of the pool well away from the edge. She shouted that he was in the pool. The urge to panic instantly welled up within me, but I acted immediately. I ran out the door, jumped into the dirty water with clothes, shoes, cell phones and all. As I was coming up, I had him in my arms and on the side of the pool with one motion.
The thought of the incident still brings up emotions. What could have happened? What if my daughter had not dropped her marker? What if she had looked right instead of left? What if both of us had been upstairs?
I know God was watching, and I am so grateful that I still have my son. Thank you, Lord.
While writing my blog, I was presented with the question of miracles in a Friday Feast, and I wrote about how my brother almost wasn't (you can read the tale here and here). That is an excellent story left me wondering whether the warning came from someone who was more than what he appeared. But that story is not my story, at least not directly.
Without really focusing on it other sincidences came to mind. Now mind you, these are not the biblical sized miracles like turning water into wine, being knocked off a horse by God, or such. Nor are they the everyday miracles like life itself. In some ways they seem to me to be the guardian angel working overtime type of miracles, and I have three that I came to mind over the past several days.
The first happened on my birthday. I think it was my 16th, only two years after my brother from the other story was born. Now, at the time my folks had run into a bit of a rough patch financially, and we had moved to a house that did not quite fit their dreams. But it was a good home in a solid working class neighborhood. Now, for most of my life my Mom had been a full-time mom, but because my dad had been injured, she spent a few years working for the local school district.
For a boy of 16, no mom or dad around meant a little bit of freedom. I must admit that I was not exactly the wildest kid, but I was not as good as I could have been either. I remember wishing I could drive (I didn't drive until 17), but was going to make the most of the warm day. I grabbed my bike and was going for a ride down the street.
At the time we lived in a flag lot where a big property was subdivided into three smaller properties with a long driveway. We lived in the middle house. And the driveway was just long enough to get going a good speed - not super fast, but fast enough. Now there were bushes and cars along the driveway, so I could not see whether any cars were coming. Being 16, I was not really paying attention.
Thankfully, my guardian angel was paying attention. A car hit my bike, ripped the front wheel right off and sent it flying at a good 200 feet. I fell to the ground, and a pebble scratched the heal of my hand, and that was the extent of my injuries. A car going about 35 mph missed hitting me directly by the tiniest fraction of a second.
I am not sure that others would think that a miracle, but I do. I thank God I am alive, and for an excellent guardian angel.
Appetizer What does the color pink make you think of? My baby daughter, Grace. I think she looks pretty good in purple and yellow too, but she does have a lot of pink.
Soup Name something you thought you had lost, but later found. My Ipod fire-wire cord. I know this is trivial, but it was the thing I most recently thought I had lost, but found it after several different searches (missing for months).
Salad In 3 words, describe this past week. Busy but sane
Main Course What are you obsessed with? Right now I am working on creating a new blog template (which is not so easy). Learning all of the code and figuring out how it works and looks in different browsers can be complicated. So that is what I am obsessed with this week.
I have some life areas that are extremely important to me, but obsessions is the wrong word (implying a psychologically unhealthy element). The three things that I am passionate about and that I am dedicated to are my wife, my family, and faith. At a much lower level I have photography and blogging.
Dessert What kind of perfume or cologne do you like to wear? Acqua Di Gio
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite ? Telling them to help themselves with the hot coffee.
When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups.
Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. Some times, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."
Yesterday, my boy went to Confession for the first time. I wish I had the camera as he opened the door to go in, turned, and gave us one last look. I hope I remember that for a good long time. This year we have had a baptism, a first confession, and in May we will have a first Holy Communion. Quite the year.
Since it is lent, I can only participate in literary feasts - as this is a day of fasting. Also, since it is lent I usually try to give up something. This year it is soda - all varieties. This has been difficult for the past couple days, (and I suspect) will continue to be for the duration. On to the feast:
Appetizer Where on your body do you have a scar, and what caused it? The palm of my hand. I was cutting vegetables for dinner about 7 years ago, and was careless. The knife cut across the thick part of my palm just below my thumb.
Soup What is something that has happened to you that you would consider a miracle? It happened more to my brother. The doctors thought that my mom had a tumor. They told her that she would never have children after my sister, and they had been right for 12 years. They prescribed medication for the tumor. After we got home from the pharmacy - it was Sav-on or Thriftys, I remember the pharmacist knocking on the door and asking for my mom. He told her to not take the medication if she might be pregnant. She didn't take it. I clearly see the hand of God here - I have never heard of a pharmacist doing house calls in the '80s, especially for a woman who had been told she would not have kids (and hadn't for 12 years).
Salad Name a television personality who really gets on your nerves. It would be easier to ask the reverse. Nearly all of them get on my nerves. I find Donald Trump particularly irritating. Oprah also gets on my nerves. On the other hand, who does not: Ceasar Millan (The Dog Whisperer) is someone who definitely does not.
Main Course What was a funny word you said as a child (such as "pasketti" for "spaghetti")? My mom would be better able to answer that one. I think I called my Uncle Norman Uncle Monkey.
Dessert Fill in the blank: I have always thought ______ was ______. Not sure what to do here, so this is what I've got. chocolate ... delicious wine ... intoxicating love ... grand
Well I am back from traveling. I generally dislike traveling for work, but this time I was able to catch up with four very dear friends. These two mugs above are from two of these friends. I saw both of them on my trip to Atlanta this past week. The other two escaped my lens (this time). These two are now immortalized in my Project 365 photo album.
The two gentlemen (ahem) above and I had a little dinner and spent some time catching up. These friends are definite "keepers" - friends that you want to stay connected with over your life. You may not always be in the same place (physically or mentally) but they are always dear friends. They are also VERY funny. Especially the bottom guy. You can catch his most excellent blog here.
While I am glad to be back in So Cal, there are a handful of really good folks in Atlanta that I truly miss. Hope to see you guys again soon (even if it means travel).
Each year thousands of fourth graders throughout California learn about Fray Junipero Serra and the California missions. I did it, my siblings did it, my eldest did it, my other children will do it. There will be models and diaromas and reports and all kinds of good fun.
Well, I may be able to help. My family has set a goal of visiting all 21 missions and taking pictures at all of them. Now, you won't find much of the history here - there is a lot out there for you to find. But I do have pictures you may want to use.
Sorry to say, we only have three of them this year. San Gabriel, San Juan Capistrano, and Santa Barbara. As more become available I will post them.
Today I will be heading to ATL for a bit of business. This should be a quick trip, and I should have a post or two from when I get stuck in the hotel. Prayers for safe travel are always appreciated.
Appetizer What sound, other than the normal ringing, would you like your telephone to make? Just the sweet sound of silence. I dislike talking on the phone to most people, so I prefer the phone to not ring.
Soup Describe your usual disposition in meteorological terms (partly cloudy, sunny, stormy, etc.). I fluctuate. My natural disposition is sunny. However, work can sometimes cause sudden thunderstorms.
Salad What specific subject do you feel you know better than any other subjects? Well, I don't want to stick with one, so here are three: Statistics/research methods (yawn), personality psychology (kinda fun), my Catholic faith (kind of important)
Main Course Imagine you were given the ability to remember everything you read for one entire day. Which books/magazines/newspapers would you choose to read? The Bible and the complete works of William Shakespeare.
Dessert If a popular candy maker contacted you to create their next confection, what would it be like and what would you name it? Chocohol - This confection would combine thick milk chocolate surrounding a soft center with the flavor of coffee & Irish Cream. Sold strictly to adults. :)
Appetizer Have you been sick yet this winter? If so, what did you come down with? Yes. I had an awful sore throat. Bad enough to go to the doctor, and I have not been in years. All seems to be OK though.
Soup What colors dominate your closet? Tans, browns, blues, greens, whites. I like khaki pants or jeans. I have some oxford shirts, white and different colors, and some Eddie Bauer button shirts, and some sweaters. Nothing too wild. Well, my summer wardrobe does have a lot of hawaiian shirts.
Salad How would you describe your personal "comfort zone"? Not really sure. I guess it is when I am either in charge, or have decided that I don't need to be (when I finally let go). I also find that I am best when finances are in order.
Main Course On which reality show would you really like to be a contestant? Survivor. It is the only one I watch. I also think it would be cool to be stranded and have to rough it. I could stand to lose a few pounds too. That, and I always admire the people on the show that can keep their integrity in spite of all that is going on. THAT would be the real challenge.
Dessert Which holiday would you consider to be your favorite? Christmas. In addition to all of the tradition, it is more than just a day it is an entire faith filled season - two seasons in fact, advent before Christmas and then the 12 days of Christmas. All of the waiting and then the long celebration.
Appetizer What was one of the fashion fads when you were a teenager? Mod. People would wear black and white in a very cool looking style: wingtips, thin black tie, RayBan sunglasses. Listen to music from Madness and similar bands. This was big at my high school since our uniform was black trousers, black shoes, white shirt, black tie. It kind of just worked for some of us.
Soup Name one thing you think people assume about you when they first meet you. I am mean. I have a shaved head, so I can intimidate some people. This doesn't last long as I laugh a lot.
Salad On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how hard do you work? 9. This used to be 10, but I have made progress. I suffer from a little workaholism. When I was in the corporate life, I would get in early & stay late. Now that I am on my own, I am doing a little better, but still need to lighten up on the workload.
Main Course If you were given a free 30-second commercial during the Super Bowl to sell anything you currently own, what would you advertise? I would give my time to a pro-life group. There is nothing more important to our society than correcting the evil of abortion. I'd rather see more ads about this than anything else. We get anti-smoking ads, why not anti-abortion ads.
Dessert Fill in the blank: I love to ________ when it is _________. read . . . raining watch football . . . Saturdays in the fall hike . . . sunny laugh . . . time to be with others
Well, the baptism went very well on Sunday. Gracie is now grace filled. :) She was awake during the entire mass, but then was out like a light the rest of the day. We very much enjoyed sharing the day with family and the entire community. The celebration afterwards was wonderful. My cousin Jerry came. He is fallen away, but has been slowly coming back to the church. His wife seems interested in potentially converting. I am sure prayers would be appreciated.
Tuesday, I had Gracie all to myself for the day. Now, I can see how that could sound exciting, but I was a bit worried. I work at home, sure, but I had been relying on Lynn to take care of the rest of the household. Well, Lynn teaches music part-time at the parish school - and this was the first day back since Gracie was born. Of course I handled things perfectly. While it certainly does help when the child decides to sleep most of the day, but I was ready. Well, we'll see how Thursday goes.
Hurrah! Tomorrow is Gracie's last day as a heathen. Yes she has gone through CRIB (Christian Right of Initiation for Babies) and is set to be baptized at mass tomorrow morning. Prayers are welcome as she joins our larger Catholic Christian family. I'll let you all know how it turns out.
Well, I am expecting, hoping, and praying that 2007 is ready for a personal upswing. So far it looks like I am losing a client as they eliminate the team I have been working with, another of my clients is eliminating a sizable project, my brother has gotten into some trouble, my Mom has had some health troubles, a former boss died at 49, and work demands have been pressing. Not the easy start I had expected.
Still, the kids are healthy. Our marriage is strong. The weather's been glorious. We have been able to go to mass nearly every day. And I continue to experience countless blessings of every sort.
Lord, give me the wisdom see all the blessings in my life. Give me the fortitude to carry the few crosses I have. Give me a loving heart that I might love you and my neighbor better. Amen.
I have decided to start a photo project. Info on it can be found here. The idea is to take a picture every day for 365 days. I like to take pictures, and some of them are not bad. But the concept of taking one every day is very appealing to me. So, while I won't post them everyday - I will be posting more of them.
The performance of The Hoity Toity Angel was excellent. It started on time, was reasonably organized, AND well done. The kids from all the grades did very well and were extremely cute. Mags was an excellent Hoity Toity Angel (which means I get at least a few more days embarrassing her about it). I must say that the Kindergarten was delightful. They formed a choir of angels, and doubled as the stars in the sky (which would shake nervously whenever the Hoity Toity Angel was being too hoity toity).
Today Mags is playing the lead in the Christmas play. She'll be in the Hoity Toity Angel - an angel that thinks she is too good to prepare for Christ's coming. I am looking forward to seeing it.
I have been having fun with this for the past couple months. I have been occasionally asking if she was really hoity toity. For whatever reason she acted self conscious when I would mention the Hoity Toity Angel. Typically I would get a "Daaaaddy." Not sure how to communicate the sound of that - it is really a two worded "da dee", with lots of pre-adolescent attitude. It is really funny (because then I got to tease about how she said daddy). Last night I suggested we could just call her HT after today. It took her a second, but I got the "daddy." It was really quite cute.
Ps 118:24-29 This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice in it and be glad. LORD, grant salvation! LORD, grant good fortune! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD. We bless you from the LORD'S house. The LORD is God and has given us light. Join in procession with leafy branches up to the horns of the altar.
You are my God, I give you thanks; my God, I offer you praise. Give thanks to the LORD, who is good, whose love endures forever.
Today is the day that Americans have set aside as a nation to give thanks for what we have received.
I am thankful for God's enduring love and patience.
I am grateful for His guiding hand.
I am grateful for His people who have entered my life - my wife, my children - particularly baby Gracie who was just born, my family and my wife's family, my friends and colleagues.
I am thankful for my Church - especially Pope Benedict and my local parish.
I am thankful for my country - may she stay free and strong, and work to correct every flaw.
I am grateful to be in Southern California -for the beauty both in nature and in the people.
I am grateful for the gifts God has given me: prosperity, intelligence, good humor - may I use these for the greater glory of God.
I am grateful as well for those who read this blog and the community that is developing here in blog-space.
I am grateful for the life that God has given me.
God, thank you for everything. Thank you for all of the graces you have bestowed. I love you. Amen.
"In the weeds" is a term I learned in the corporate world. It is a term that means "so deep into the details that the big picture is missed." It is often a term derogatorily used in reference to a discussion or person in a meeting that is so focused on the details that they just don't get it. The image attached to this post shows what being lost in the weeds (or at least brush) looks like. That is my boy near the front making his way through the brush on one of our weekend adventures. His mom and his grandpa are in the background. With the brush so high, it is hard to see the boy – the brush is much bigger than he is.
On this particular adventure, we had been wandering the paths around the Newport Back Bay. It was a beautiful November day (sunny, mid 70's), but as we kept trekking, we realized that we had gotten off the loop trail and were getting too far away from the car. With my wife pregnant and due at any moment (the baby was born the next day), we couldn’t afford to be far from transportation. But we could not see the fork in the trail that would get us back. We were so close to the brush, we just couldn’t see how to get where we wanted to go.
Not being one for inaction, I led the way in search of the path. We first hit a dead-end, and had to reroute. We got up on a hill and I could see what looked like a line snaking through the brush. We had found the path! All it took was a bit of perseverance and a little perspective.
When out and about in the world, we can find ourselves in some pretty thick vegetation. It can feel lonely or hopeless. But there is always a way through it. It takes perseverance and perspective to find the path, but it is there. You just have to have faith that you will find it.
So we had a new baby girl last week. She is adorable, and she is even doing pretty well at night - sleep deprivation has not started. We are definitely blessed with this addition. Our oldest, Maggie, is also a girl - it is hard to think that she was born 10 years ago. Sometimes it seems like she is growing so fast. Thankfully, a few things happened the past week that showed me she is not grown yet. She still has her childhood innocence, and will for a while yet (God willing).
First, the image above captures a moment last weekend - the day before Gracie was born. We were exploring the Newport Back Bay preserve, and she found this shell that she HAD to share. To still be so excited to want to share her find with Daddy.... Well, I sure appreciated it.
Second, she just served at her first mass today. Now that is a milestone that points to her growing up (one that only we boys had when I was a kid). The thing that struck me though, was how much smaller she was than the other children. My thought was that she is only in fifth grade. It was a wonderful reminder that while growing up, she still has a long way to go. BTW, she did her part flawlessly.
Third, after mass, there was a craft fair where the kids got to put together ornaments for the upcoming advent season. She went at it with the gusto you would expect in a child. I am very proud of her and excited to see how she will grow...but I still like my innocent little girl.
I live near El Camino Real which connects all of the California missions. In Spanish, camino means road or way and real means royal or splendid. But real also means real (just like it is spelled in English). Typically, people translate it as the royal road, but I like the more poetic interpretation of the real way, or (if you will) the true path. Given my understanding of history, I know that my interpretation is not the most likely - but I suspect the padres may have enjoyed the play on words.
The talk of paths gets to a topic I have thought about for years: the path that people are on (especially me). Being trained as a personality psychologist and raised a Catholic, I often thought about the concept of free will, a concept that most behavioral scientists flatly reject. The faith that most psychologists/scientists hold is that if they only knew all of the right variables, they could perfectly predict human behavior - it is completely determined. A corollary of this is that given all of the variables in play at any given time, a person can do no other than he or she does - there is no such thing as free will. Now, as a Catholic, this was a concept I rejected. Thankfully, I had an advisor who was very philosophically minded. We had many debates on philosophy of science, the existence of God, and free will - though I think I frustrated him on this particular issue. During those conversations I developed my perspective that combines both the idea that behavior can be determined AND can be chosen freely.
People typically go through life on auto-pilot. Life happens to them. They react, largely automatically, from a repertory of learned responses. Their goals and ambitions are prescribed to them more than they are chosen, and they plod away at life - much like sheep. They may have free will, but it doesn't often manifest itself. They float through life, tossed about by the currents of society governed by the automatic short-cut responses built into each person's psychology. Life is more accidental than intentional. The road they are on, is a road provided by the world around them.
People CAN choose to act, if they really want to. They just usually do not really want to. They can do the difficult things. They can choose to not let their past guide their actions. They can choose to buck what society tells them. In my mind, that is how you can account for saints or other extraordinary people (including the bad ones).
You see, while the materialist empiricist has faith that they will eventually be able to explain everything, they can't now. I believe that they will never be able to completely predict human behavior, and can partially predict behavior only because people go with the flow, and let the currents guide them. They can choose differently, but don't typically do so. Now this may not always be a bad thing. Sometimes, we need to attend to only some areas where we must choose, and others are put on auto-pilot. This can be a sane strategy. But if we live our lives without consciously making choices, what kind of road are we on? El Camino Real, or the primrose path? If you don't choose, the choice gets made for you.
The kids had to dress up as Saint for Halloween if they wanted to dress up for school. Maggie went as Esther, because she saw a movie about Esther with her Grandma and Grandpa last week. Mike went as St. Michael, because of his name sake AND the sword.
Maggie changed into a pirate at night, with a costume she made by hand with her aunt. No pictures ready on the pirate at this time.
At first I was not a big fan of changing the tradition of monsters, ghosts, and other such costumes. But the kids had fun this way too, and they did learn something as well (about their saints).
Socrates is credited with saying "The unexamined life is not worth living." I beleive that every life is a gift from God and inherently worth living. Still, there is truth that examining one's life is of tremendous value both to the self and to others who can benefit from our examination.
But I think there is something that needs to come before examining life, and, IMHO, is more important than an examined life. It is an intended life. If I simply do, and later examine - that is valuable. I may learn. Others may learn. But it is reactive - I wait until after the fact to determine my motivation. This is backwards - it puts action before thought. In contrast, and intended life is purposeful. It strives to reach, to achieve. It is active.
In my Superordinate Goals post I wrote about the two goals that I believe stand above all goals. I also wrote about how to walk back using my "Four Year Old's Interview" moving from behavior - to uncover what goals may be motivating what we do. There is another way to move between motivation and behavior. Rather than start with behavior and work backwards by asking why, start with the highest level goals and ask how. What do you want to do? How are you going to get there? So you want to get to Heaven - Great! How? Be a priest/nun? Be a good spouse/parent? Develop a deeper prayer life? Be a witness to my faith? Be a servant to others? In turn, how do you want to achieve each of these?
When asking why we do what we do, and comparing that to what we want and the plans we have to get there, we can be surprised by the incongruence:
For example, starting with behavior: I work long hours Because I want resources Because I want to provide for my family Because I want to be a good husband/father
If I start from the other end, at the goal: I want to be a good husband/father So I want to spend more time with my family So I need to spend less time working.
Of course life is a tad more complex, but it illustrates how we can get different answers when we start at different places. Here the goals are the same (though this is not always the case), but the behaviors are diametrically opposed. If we stay with looking backwards - just examining our lives, we can be complacent. Sure we can uncover behavior that does not align with who we want to be, but it does not lead to new behavior. To really move forward we need to not only examine our lives, but seize the initiative. We must identify our goals, and move toward them. Of course identifying our goals is the first, and perhaps hardest task - I want to be a better Christian. Now, HOW do I do that?
What are YOUR goals? How are YOU moving toward them?
Give me your advice here. Tell me what would you do.
I have been back in CA for almost two years now. When we came, we got our kids into the Catholic school at the parish we had been at before we left for ATL (we had been at that parish for about a year). There was something odd when we got back – the parish had changed. There is a couple who are “running” the parish with some of their “group.” The man in this couple drives me up a wall. He is rude, arrogant, controlling, and (IMHO) disrespectful on the altar (not a good thing for the head of the Eucharistic Ministers and RCIA). He also seems to be able to control the pastor (what this guy says, Father goes along with). It is the least welcoming parish I have ever been in. I still feel an outsider and I am a lector, work bingo, was just put on the School board, and attend weekday Mass there. Lynn teaches music part-time at the school and is involved in the music ministry.
Lynn and I both grew up in strong community parishes. Part of the strength came from the integration with the school and the parish. I am a STRONG supporter of Catholic school. I want God talked about in my kids’ school. I want them to go to Mass with the school. I want school prayer. I want their faith taught and to permeate activities throughout their day. I also highly value the additional opportunity to build community that a school tied to a parish provides.
Recently the pastor has done several things that look like he is against at least this Catholic school. There are no parents on the parish council. He has disallowed school fundraisers. For example he won’t allow the school to sell tickets to an upcoming fundraiser after Mass (even though Religious Ed does for their golf tourney, and the Boy Scouts sell tickets to their breakfast, or the Filipino Association sells tickets to their events). He also canceled a hugely successful after-school Jog-A-Thon fundraiser (raised $20,000) because it ended at 7PM and the head of RCIA (mentioned above) complained that he couldn’t park (his event was at 7PM) – actually he yelled at school members who were organizing it while it was going on. Instead of coming to a Christian compromise (like next year end at 6:30), Father forbid the event if Religious Ed had any activities at any time on a given day (they reserve time everyday, even when they don’t use it – Catch 22). Oh, there are lots of other examples as well, but this gives the flavor.
This has frustrated me to no end, and I have been praying for patience and restraint. Several people have told me that Father would not mind at all if the school closed. I am not sure what to do. This is counter to one of my core values in raising my children and is directly counter to my desire to build community (oh my, is this one in shambles).
What should I do?
When I moved back to So Cal, we got the kids into school first, and then tried to get a home in the parish. We were close, but our home is actually located in another parish. That parish has a strong school that feels a part of the parish AND they have far more respectful Masses. There are other minor pluses as well.
My wife and I went to Mass there today, and the sense of community, the welcoming faces, and the more respectful liturgy all left us (me, Lynn and the kids) with a good feeling.
But we have invested time at the other parish (often with frustration – at least on my part since Lynn is more patient than I am). My wife is a part-time music teacher, and I have been asked on the school board. Do I stay in frustration in what may be a lost cause if the school closes in a couple years? Do I uproot the kids and move to a place where we can build the community we so want, and where our values are more in sync? How do I approach my priest to talk about this? Do I talk to him about it at all?
There are two superordinate goals in life. All other goals are subordinate to these or detract from them. The first is to get to Heaven. The second is to help other people get to Heaven.
My dissertation was on goals and how people achieve them and their relation to personality. One of the things I used to do in my research was conduct what I called my "Four Year Old's Interview." I even taped a couple of interviews doing this. I would start by asking people what they did yesterday. I then asked why, and the answer had to start with "I want/wanted to...". This would repeat until we could go no farther. An interesting phenomenon occurred. What people did boiled down to only a few core motivations - e.g., "to take care of my family."
Why did you stop to get coffee - because I wanted to be able to keep going during the day. Why did you want to keep going during the day - because I want to do well at my job. Why did you want to do well at your job - because I want to provide for my family. Why did you want to provide for your family - geez, that's what I want. I love them.
Of course real life is a bit more complex than this example and these ladders actually branch out (e.g., I want to socialize with friends AND keep going at work when I get coffee), but at the ultimate motivation level they kept coming back to the same small set of motivations. Each person's life is rooted in certain goals that guided much of what they do. This was not depth psychology (looking at hidden motivations), but it was insightful to watch how people would get to a where they could go no farther - and how it fit each person distinctly.
Why do we have these goals that guide us? Those who refuse God have no answer here. They are stuck with "geez, that's just what I want." It either feels right, or feels good, or because society tells them too - all very dissatisfying answers.
But for those who are open to God, there is an answer! I take care of my family because I want to spend eternity with God and I want them there too. I do what charity I do because I want to go to heaven and I want those I am helping to go as well. I build loving friendships because that is how I can experience God - it helps me get to Heaven (and hopefully my friends too).
If we can't tie our motivations back to these two goals we are wasting our time and the time of others. If our motivations do not have these ultimate goals, then what we do is meaningless. It may feel good, it may help me get by, but it really doesn't matter. If what we do is counter to these two goals, then I would call it sinful.
I am back from Atlanta, and things went well there. It was good to see a couple of old friends, and the presentations went very well. Finishing the work needed for this trip has been a definite weight off of my shoulders.
I have been thinking about some issues and would love your perspective. I want to state something that I see as a plain fact. All people are not equal. I think that the concept of equality before the law (i.e., the law treats all as equal) is a good concept for running a justice system, but in terms of the rest of life...I don't think it is a good concept. Not everyone is smart. Not everyone is athletic. Not everyone is good looking. Not everyone is creative. Not everyone is good with numbers. Not everyone is insightful. Not everyone is good natured. Not everyone is right.
Because of our relativistic approach in society, we end up acting as if anything and everything is AOK. All people are equal, all ideas are equal, all perspectives are equal. I say bologna! I wish I was more artistic than I am. I am just not. Some people just can't get up in front of a group to speak - I am pretty good at it. In some circumstances or for some purposes, creativity is what is required. Other times, certain leadership skills may be the right trick. It is good that people are not the same. You know what else, pretending that everyone is the same is silly. The same is true for ideas, If one person says the sun rises in the East and another the West, there is not compromise to be had. If one person says Christ rose from the dead, and another says he did not - there is no equality of perspective.
There is a phenomenon in education where people are overly concerned about self-esteem. They won't give spelling tests because it makes kids who can't spell feel bad. You see, some kids actually have an easier time with spelling, but calling this out defeats the perspective of equality and may make some kids feel bad because they struggle with spelling. This would be hilarious if it wasn't so dangerous. Self esteem isn't something you need to protect so it doesn't get damaged - it is something that you earn through success. We should be giving children opportunities to develop their talents not fragile egos propped up with delusional self-esteem.
Have you ever noticed that everyone says they are a "good person." Look at our world, heck just look at our society. How can we claim to all be good and have the homeless we do, or the high percentage of people in jail, or the uninsured, or all the people below the poverty line, or prejudice, etc. If we were all good, we would solve these problems - heck we would really care about them. Instead, when it comes to elections, what do we hear about? When is the last time anyone asked what we are going to do about the homeless in politics? Good people? Hmpf. Here is my opinion - we are not all good. I don't think there are a lot of evil people out there either, if by evil we mean those who seek to intentionally do harm. But there are too many who will not do anything for someone else if it requires any effort or sacrifice. Good is not the absence of evil - it is a positive manifestation of love that requires effort and sacrifice. If most people aren't good and aren't evil, what are they? Just selfish.
Think about the old westerns. The good guys wore white hats and the bad guys wore black hats. I think most people wear grey hats. They are neither good nor bad - merely selfish. What color hat do you wear?
This has been one crazy week. My last post I said that I was coming out from under a heavy load. I guess I was wrong. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel, but it was an illusion that it was close. My projects heated up in a huge way with two clients asking for accelerated deadlines - yikes! I think it will be better soon though. I may get next weekend for myself. It has to get better sometime soon -- we have a baby due in 2 months!
My daughter turned 10 this week. I am noticing that I am getting older. She won't be a little girl much longer. I need to find more time to enjoy it. It goes too fast! That is her in the picture above. She is a delight, but I'd like her to stop now. Our kids our not ours, they belong to God. We get them for such a short time before they are on there own. I want the time to last. These 10 years have flown.
School started this week. This is good AND bad. Good that they get to learn, and Lynn and I get a little quiet time. But one of the huge advantages to working at home is that I get to see them and Lynn so much - even when I am swamped. We get to have lunch and dinner together. We also went to daily mass and had daily rosary together. Try that working 14 hours a day at a corporate gig. Now I get dinner and rosary. Since they are in Catholic school, they go to weekday mass once each week. So I get to see them there - but it is not quite the same. A couple of people at daily mass noticed the kids gone. Mike likes to sing loud, and his voice is missing. The dog is depressed with them gone all day. Peaches and I will miss them together.
I really do hope to have more posted soon. As soon as my load lightens, I have a few things to share. You are all in my prayers.
Work has been wild crazy. I have not dropped off the map, but I feel like I am in a different world. Work has been intense, and I spent Labor Day weekend laboring. I am still not finished with my current projects (maybe Sep 25th-ish), but I think I can get my weekends back (I lost the past few). I do owe a response to the well articulated comment from Jerry Grasso, one of my friends in ATL. It will come Jerry.
In the mean time I wanted to put in a post letting people know I am still alive. In fact, I did take a few hours to celebrate my 38th birthday with my family on Sunday. I got what I wanted as well (and hadn't expected). My mom went to the Charismatic Convention in Anaheim - she got me a beautiful image of the Agony in the Garden, a picture of the Pope, and a couple of John Michael Talbot CDs. My sisters, brother, and dad went in together to get me the Liturgy of the Hours and a daily missal. The kids got me cologne (which I was running out of).
We also took a quick drive to the beach today to stick our toes in the water,take some pictures and having dinner at an Irish pub (one of the pictures will be up this week). Beyond that, it has been all work.
I am thinking of those of you who have commented - and keeping you in my prayers, and ask the same. This has been the most intense patch I have had in a couple years. I know I'll make it through, but it has been rough. I hope to have another post in a couple days.
I haven't posted in nearly a week. It has been pretty intense lately.
I work for myself. I left my corporate job about a year and a half ago, and am glad I did. I missed So Cal. Turns out I'd rather be conservative in a blue state than liberal in a red state - but I'll save that for another blog. In addition to missing the left coast (I was in Atlanta), I was burned out. Corporate culture can impact you if you are trying to climb the ladder. I was and it did.
I was talking with friends this weekend. We were celebrating my upcoming birthday (we use birthdays as an excuse for enjoying good company, good food, and good wine). The topic turned to values and current culture. Looking back, I see that I fell into a value trap. I valued money, recognition and prestige. I got them. But the more I got, the less happy I was. I also found that there was never enough - I kept pouring more money in, but the bucket kept getting bigger too. I found that recognition is fleeting, and satisfies for only a moment.
When I was late in my college career, I wanted to be a marriage and family counselor, but got into a research PhD program. You see, I thought a PhD is more prestigious than a master's degree, I told myself - and the program invited me to apply, it fed right into my ego. I then was going to be a professor. I was all set, too. I knew the right people and was positioned for a career in personality psychology. But I ended up "selling out" for the money. I actually got the chance to do some side teaching at UCLA. I loved it, but by that time I was addicted to the revenue from my full time job, and couldn't go back. In the end, a PhD is no better than someone without one. A VP at a company is no better than someone who is not. And having things does not satisfy like I thought it would when I had not. What has satisfied? My marriage. My friends. My faith. Doing for others.
I see God's hand in my corporate journey. I have learned. And God has used me for His ends. At each place I have been, I have been ideally positioned to help someone or some group for the better, at school, at work or in my community. THAT satisfies! But I wish I had taken the direct route to helping others, and not done it "on the side."
I am working rather hard right now (this month in particular, but the larger "now" as well). I am trying to get off the treadmill. It helps to remember that goal when I start to feel overwhelmed. I need to shrink my bucket so that I can make a switch. To do this, I am in the odd position of actually having to work even harder. But now I have a goal to end the cycle. In the long run, I hope to get retrained as a marriage and family counselor. I think that was my calling - I wish I had listened sooner.
Oh, the picture is of Pismo Beach. I have been working so hard, that I thought it appropriate. Man, I wish I was there!
Moneybags from A Catholic Life has posed difficult questions. As you can see in the picture, I went to my thinking spot and made some tough choices. I will refrain from giving any "whys" as tempting as that may be, since it would take too long, and I am low on energy. Besides, projective techniques are fun both for the person taking it AND the interpreter. The psychologist in me wants to ask "so why do YOU think I chose these?" :)
Before giving the list, I have one caveat. I am leaving out Jesus (celebrity of the best kind) and the Blessed Mother (Saint or Celebrity). Mostly, because I wanted more space. :) Here goes:
Instructions: "If you could meet and have a deep conversation with any five people on earth, living or dead, from any time period, who would they be?" Name five people from each of the following categories: Saints, Those in the Process of Being Canonized, Heroes from your native country, Authors/Writers, Celebrities.
Then, tag five people.
Saints St. Peter St. Ignatius Loyola St. Francis of Assisi St. Thomas Aquinas St. Augustine of Hippo
Those being canonized John Paul II Mother Theresa Junipero Sera John XXIII Kateri Tekakwitha
American Heroes Abe Lincoln Franklin Roosevelt Dwight Eisenhower JFK Jimmy Carter
Authors J. R. R. Tolkien C.S. Lewis Mark Twain William Shakespeare Stephen King (wow! How does he fit?!)
Celebrities Humphrey Bogart Harrison Ford Meg Ryan Steve Martin Gordon Sumner (Sting)
When I see the picture above, I see and feel joy. When I lived the moment, there was joy. We finally had reached our destination on a long trip. Why is this relevant? Read on.
This weeks Sunday readings were particularly good. I read a wonderful take on this that I have quoted from below. There are lots of lessons in his commentary. I particularly like the point on joy and why Christ chose wine to turn into his Blood, and have quoted it below. I got this from the Zenit news service. I have only quoted parts - check out the entire posting by clicking on the link below.
"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of man and drink his blood, you have no life in you; he who eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. For my flesh is food indeed, and my blood is drink indeed. He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him."
The Gospel passage continues the reading of chapter 6 of John. The new element is that to the discourse on bread Jesus adds that of wine; to The image of food he adds that of drink, the gift of his flesh and of his blood. Here, Eucharistic symbolism reaches its culmination and totality. But, why, precisely, did Jesus choose wine to signify his blood? Just because of the affinity of color? What does wine represent for men? It represents joy, celebration; it does not represent usefulness so much (as bread does) but delight. It is not only made to drink, but also to toast. Jesus multiplied the loaves because of the people's need, but in Cana he multiplied the wine for the delight of the guests. Scripture says that "wine gladdens man's heart andbread strengthens it" (Psalm 104:15).
If Jesus had chosen bread and water for the Eucharist, he would only have indicated the sanctification of suffering ("bread and water" are in fact synonymous with fasting, austerity and penance). By choosing bread and wine he also wished to indicate the sanctification of joy. How wonderful it would be if we also learned to live the joys of life in a Eucharistic manner, that is, in thanksgiving to God. God's presence and look do not cloud our honest joys; on the contrary, they enlarge them.
Consciousness To be conscious about something is to be aware of it. Dear Lord help me to remember that You gave me life. Thank you for the gift of life. Teach me to slow down, to be still and enjoy the pleasures created for me. To be aware of the beauty that surrounds me. The marvel of mountains, the calmness of lakes, the fragility of a flower petal. I need to remember that all these things come from you.
I have been thinking some things, and I want to express them. I humbly ask for your thoughts and guidance as I struggle with these issues. If I state things strongly, it is not for lack of respect - it is passion; passion about my faith, about my Church, and about building a Catholic community.
I have been wrestling with a couple thoughts. They have to do with the whole left/right thing within the Church. In my description I say that I am not liberal and I am not conservative. I am Catholic, and that makes all the difference. What do I think that means? Let me share some personal examples - then I'll get to it.
I have been having an ongoing conversation with my brother. He is definitely feeling called to work on social justice issues, and he likes to challenge people. He is 23, and I am 37. I think I was a lot like him that way when I was 23. He wore a t-shirt recently that on one level, I firmly agree with. It said "Oxymoron: Pro Life and Pro Death Penalty." I saw this, and got peeved with him. Why? I am pro-life and anti death penalty - what's my beef? Well, I believe that protecting unborn children is top of the pro-life list (but I do agree with the Church -and my bro- that there is a lot more than one item on the list). Those good people, working against abortion are doing good work on this most important issue. Should they be criticized then because of what they are not doing? Aren’t there are enough people criticizing from the outside?
Online, you can so easily stumble onto a "catholic" site promoting women priests, or the schismatic Society of St. Paul, or any number of extremists. Take the term "Orthodox Catholic." Here is a quote from the Catholic Encyclopedia: "He, therefore, is orthodox, whose faith coincides with the teachings of the Catholic Church." With that definition, I say, “AMEN! I am orthodox (thank God)!” But using it as a label, it says something different. It says, "I am right, and if you don't agree with me, you are wrong." I have seen "Orthodox Catholic" used, on one hand, by those who think we can and should ordain women priests yet, on the other hand, by those who think Vatican II was a heresy, and the pope an apostate. Me? I'll be a Catholic (and an orthodox one), but not an "Orthodox Catholic."
What is going on? How did we get here?
When I look at the extremes of the spectrum, I see people emphasizing two important messages from Christ, but to different degrees. Christ preached love - of the poor, of the sinner, of the outcast. Jesus was also not too big a fan of the then current rule focused religious - he had some choice words for them. They understood and practiced the rules of the religion, but missed the point on God's love. This is where the far "Left" lives - accepting the sinners and outcasts, while shunning rules that they feel oppressive to achieving those ends.
But Christ also preached repentance: "Go and sin no more." This means that there are rules that need to be followed. He did preach the Commandments (as well as love). He also made clear some pretty stiff consequences for rejecting his teachings (yep, there is a Hell). And then He established a Church on the rock of Peter - that has the power to hold things bound. That is where the "Right" lives - obedience, living rightly by the rules, and repentance for their sins, but also judging those who bend/break the rules. The Right sees the gift God gave us in the guidance from the true Church of Christ - and that ignoring that Truth can have grave (and fiery) consequences, but they forget the reaching out by Christ Himself to the tax collectors and prostitutes.
If you move too far to the left, you forget that there is responsibility and authority that go with love.
If you move too far to the right, you get an overemphasis on the rules and condemnation of sinners – you forget the love.
On the left, you get modernism. Not good.
On the right you get modern day Pharisees. Also not good.
On the left, we hear that Vatican II did not go far enough.
On the right we hear that it went too far.
I may be wrong, but I think we need both the love and guidance - TOGETHER. We need to accept and forgive and encourage, but we must hold firm to our Faith and the Teachings. We need to not change everything willy-nilly. But we should embrace guided change under the leadership in Rome and the bishops - though God only knows how some of them became bishops. ("Thy will be done" not "my will be done").
And about Vatican II - I am orthodox - I believe the Holy Spirit will never leave the Church, and wasn't taking a nap when it happened. It did not go too far. And it went just as far as it should have, any further would have been too far.
So that is what it looks like from where I am. Am I full of bologna?
Feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary
Click on picture to see a larger image.
Today is the feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Today we celebrate when God brought Mary's body as well as her soul to Heaven after she died. She gets to fully participate in the resurrection right away because of her selfless, sinless life. She is the one who said yes to God - Praise God for that "YES!" The love our Lord must have for his mother! And, oh the love she has for us her children! Christ gave her to us, and us to her through John when he was on the Cross. It is awesome - in the true sense of the word. Let's celebrate!!!!! I'd like to do it here in two ays.
I am blessed to lector at this evening's mass. I'd like to quote from the reading I will be allowed to proclaim tonight (these are just two of the lines). It is from Revelation 11:2,5.
"A great sign appeared in the sky, a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon beneath her feet, and on her head a crown of twelve stars. She gave birth to a son, a male child, destined to rule all the nations with an iron rod." Amen!
The other way I want to celebrate, is with on of my favorite prayers. It is the Momorare:
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that any one who fled to your protection, implored your help or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired with this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins my Mother; to you I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful; O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy hear and answer me. Amen.
I was on Sacred Space(one of my favorites - the link is in the side bar), and they had some thoughts today that seemed to hit home. So I'd like to share part of it. Here is part of what they wrote:
"...When God looks at me, he desires me and is saying: You are desirable. I made you good. I want you. God sees me as his daughter or son, whom he loves. He says: You are mine. His gaze says: I delight in you. Can I accept this gaze of love? Or do I run back into disapproval of myself?...."
I went to confession today - we all go as a family (poor Mike has to wait for us - he starts second grade this year, so not too much longer until he can do more than wait). I felt that giddy feeling afterwards, when your soul is all fresh and clean. I don't know if others have that feeling, but when I make an honest confession - I feel liberated (and loved)! Anyways, the quote above got me thinking.... I know EXACTLY what this is like!
I had been going to confession once a year (or so) for some time. None of them were as full as they should be, and I should have gone more often. Why was I falling down here? Some of it was pride (what do I need a priest for, I can go straight to God). Some of it was that I didn't want to confess certain things. Why? Because I didn't forgive myself. I disapproved of me.
The funny thing is, a lot of people who know me would be surprised at that. When I was in the corporate world, I was seen as confident. Some would have said I could stand a little humility (and they would have been right). But at the same time, I did not seek forgiveness, because I wasn't able to forgive myself. I am not sure of the exact relationship between this self-disapproval (unworthiness, shame, etc.?) and pride - but I see a connection. What do you think? I really would like your opinions.
Whatever the answer to the connection, I do know this. I finally had a fabulous confession - I laid it all out on the line. I even wrote things down because I wanted to get it all out and have an absolutely clean start. But it required two things: 1. I had to set aside my pride, and humble myself before God, and the priest that stands in for Christ and the body of Christ (that is all of you). Once I humbled myself, I could seek out God and ask for forgiveness. The other thing I had to do, was believe I was worth forgiving. THAT is the connection to the quote above. I think that doing both, humbling myself and believing I was worthy, were two sides of the same coin - I was greater than I feared in God's eyes, and less than I pretended in my own.
When I made my confession, I said my greatest sin was my pride. I acted as if I knew better than the Church, I didn't really need a pries to confess all my sins, I knew what was sinful and what was not. But I was afraid to admit this! As I reflect on how I feared bearing my soul (and being vulnerable) in prepping for that confession and how I avoided having that true confession for such a long time, I have to ask why. In the end, it is exactly what the quote above said. Yes I was sinful, but it was my inability to forgive myself that led to a growing rift between me and God. And from that rift, grew my pride (which is a poor substitute for God's love).
The feeling I had after that confession was unbelievable. I wanted to run out and do my penance immediately. I was filled with joy. I wanted to dance and sing, do things for others, tell people about God, write blogs and leave encouraging comments for others. :)
I am happy to say, that I felt the same exuberance today, even though it had only been a little longer than a month since my last confession. Letting God love you, and loving him back is pretty darn good! God's love, and that fresh clean soul feeling... you just can't beat it! Thank you Lord for confession!
I am still feeling overwhelmed with all I have to do right now, but I am sure I can get through it. I have a couple thoughts I want to post on, but wish I had more time. They will get out eventually. In the meantime I thought I would post a prayer to St. Joseph for work. I found this at www.rc.net/marquette/carmelite/glorious_st__joseph.htm
Glorious St. Joseph, model of all those who are devoted to labor, obtain for me the grace to work conscientiously, putting the call of duty above my natural inclinations; to work with gratitude and joy, considering it an honor to employ and develop, by means of labor, the gifts received from God, without recoiling before weariness or difficulties; to work, above all, with purity of intention, and with detachment from self, having always death before my eyes and the account which must render of time lost, of talents wasted, of good omitted, of vain complacency in success, so fatal to the work of God. All for Jesus, all for Mary, all after thy example, O Patriarch St, Joseph. Such shall be my watchword in life and death. Amen.
