Pride and the Poor

When I had finished all of my schooling, I remember talking politics with my father - I think it was about welfare and helping the poor in our society. I was saying that everyone has the same opportunity and that why should those of us who have struggled and created a place for ourselves be responsible for the bad decisions of other. My logic was personal and prideful. I come from a humble blue collar background. My parents had only a high school education, and I have memories of their struggles (especially when my father was injured at work). They put me and my siblings through Catholic school in spite of the cost. My dad had me working at grocery stores with him to understand what working meant. I paid my way through college, and came out the other side. I got a good paying job. I had worked hard and made it. It involved choices, and I made good ones. So, I didn’t see why I should be asked to pay for the poor choices of others. My father looked at me and told me that others did not have what I had, and that what I had been given was a gift, not something I was entitled to. I have been given genetics that provided me intelligence. I have been given parents that sacrificed what they wanted so I could have an education. I have been given a father who showed me what hard work was and what responsibility looked like. My very existence is a gift. Certainly what I have accomplished took will and perseverance, but even these are gifts. I have been given so much, how could I look down on others who have not been given these gifts? How could I think that I was better because I had been given more? We are not “self made” people. Who we are is a gift - from our genetics, to our up-bringing, to our experiences. This does not make one of us better than another - just different. Pride can ruin our souls. It can make us think we deserve what we have and those less fortunate deserve what they have. It can harden our heart to the plight of others, blaming those who suffer for their suffering. This is a shame, because suffering too is a gift. To the one who suffers it is an opportunity to share in Christ’s suffering. To others it is an opportunity to meet Christ. Not one of us deserves what we have. It is all a gift. It is all an opportunity. What will you do with yours?

On Christian Pride Part II

I have been reading much of the reaction that the American (and other) bishops and the entrenched liturgical establishment has to say about the Moto Proprio, Summorum Pontificum, that Pope Benedict released 10 days ago. Fr. Z has a listing of these, with intelligent commentary (far more intelligent than most of the original pieces). His July 2007 listings can be found here: What Does The Prayer Really Say? » 2007 » July. When I read the reactions of our leaders, I was saddened by the pride and arrogance that many of the responses exhibit, which prompts this post. I posted on Christian Pride previously, and want to continue my thoughts in light of the current developments. What does pride look like? It goes something like this. I don't need to listen to you. Who cares what the Church says. The Church doesn't know what its talking about. I don't not need to pay attention to the Bible. Who do you think you are to tell me what to do? I know what is best for myself. I know better than you what needs to be done. What, do you think I'm stupid that I need your help? I have a brain to think for myself, I certainly don't need to be told what to think. I will only believe what I see, I will not trust the word of others. My own counsel will I keep. We all have seen this kind of thinking. I suspect we all have thought this way. I certainly know I have. But this thinking is the root of sin. It sets up whoever thinks this way as their own god. It stiffens the neck and hardens the heart. When we are called back to the truth, to repentance, it fights the soul within us that wants to return to God. This is the real plague that threatens Western civilization. Our culture tells us we are all little kings of our own realms, gods of our own existence. This fatally flawed perspective tells us that there is no right and wrong, except as the individual sees it (relativism feeds and insulates pride). This pride even infects our Church. Bishops that resist the lead of the Pope demonstrate it. They want to be head of the Church and resist following the Vicar of Christ. Liberal religious advocates speak from this very place. They argue that the Church is wrong, that our tradition is not sacred, that we do not need to believe the teachings of the Church, and that, somehow, the Church was wrong in its teachings before the 60's, and is wrong now on a number of important issues. Those that argue the Holy Spirit abandoned the Church at Vatican II show this arrogance as well. Both groups share the foolish pride that they have the truth and that Christ's own Church is too ignorant to see it. We have seen this sinful pride before in our history. We saw it as the unity of the Church was splintered at the Great Schism and during the Protestant Reformation. Those episodes resulted in fractures in the Body of Christ that have yet to heal. To many of our wayward brothers have not yet returned home. We are facing the same situation today. But it is not from the extreme traditionalists - they have had their say and only a fringe are willing to leave the Church with them (though we should strive to keep all within the Church). No, it is the liberal side of the Church that is the greater threat. This group says they are Catholic, but in their arrogance reject what is Catholic and what is Sacred. So what can we do? We all must humble ourselves before God. We must answer whether we believe what we say every Sunday in the Nicene Creed. If so, we must follow the leader of the One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church. We must open our hearts and bend our knees. Pray for forgiveness, and receive the Holy Spirit. All lay, and all priests, and all bishops who serve the Lord, set aside your pride and open your hearts!

Ears of the Deaf & Tongue of the Mute

Click on picture for larger image Obedience to God's will is not always about speaking up - sometimes it is remaining silent. My wife and I were talking about personalities in my family. We were discussing how I have no fear of conflict. I love to speak in public and am a leader, which tends to mean I have no problem saying what is on my mind. Mostly this is a positive trait, but it can get me into trouble. A homily at Sunday Mass back in September has had a big impact on me, and as I was meditating on the rosary today, it came back to me again. I think the lesson is good for those like me who have no problem "sharing." The Gospel that day was Mark 7:31-37 about Jesus healing the deaf mute. The homily really caught my attention because our priest was saying that sometimes we need to pray to have the ears of the deaf and the tongue of the mute. Sometimes we should pray that our ears are closed to what we should not hear and that our tongue is held when we should not speak. This is exactly opposite of what I had expected. I mean, the miracle was about how the deaf hear and the mute speak. I did a double take to make sure I heard correctly - definitely not what I had expected. Immediately after mass the message was stamped firmly into my gray matter. Someone who fancies himself a Parish Big Wig (Mr. PBW), decided that when I read the petitions the previous week, I had mispronounced a name and I was in need of correction. I was in such need, that he did not wait until I had a donut and coffee - he didn't even wait until I was out of church - heck, he was walking across the church before the recessional hymn was finished. As Mr. PBW was speaking I could feel the blood rush to my head and several quips leapt to mind. There are lots of reasons I am not a Mr. PBW fan, and this was my chance to share my insights about his issues. But as he was speaking, I remembered the homily. I prayed for the ears of the deaf and the tongue of the mute. I smiled, accepted his correction, and went out with my family. I don't know if I have ever had a homily lesson that I had to put into action that quickly after mass. As I was meditating today on the "Presentation in the Temple," I was thinking about how the rules of the temple - Mary being ritually cleansed and Christ being presented and ransomed back - were not necessary for the Holy Family. I mean, she was pure and he was, well, God. But here our Redeemer and the Blessed Mother both subjected themselves to the law. The lesson in humility and obedience was so clear. Then this homily came to mind. Sometimes we must be subject to that which may not seem fair or right or necessary. While many times these situations call for word or action, sometimes they call for silence, for subjugation, for waiting. For those like me who have no trouble speaking up, this requisite lesson can be hard (at least I have found it so). At times, I still find myself praying for the ears of the deaf and the tongue of the mute at my parish. But I find the lesson extended to the Internet as well. I have found myself wanting to write a post or leave a comment that, after a quick prayer, remains unpublished. Not easy, but necessary.

Humility, Worry, and Growth

It has been hectic since the baptism. I have had to finish a couple of projects, I had a school board meeting for our Catholic school, and we had family visiting from Indiana. Not much time to put in a blog. Everyone is doing well, I continue to do alright with Gracie. I have it rigged pretty good. She is getting more and more delightful as well. She has started smiling and we hear the beginnings of laughs. On a personal note, I had a humbling experience last week. I was confronted with an error I had made. I had to own it - and that was not pleasant. I have been working on humility for years, and it is still not easy. This error was work related to work. Now, those who know me, know that I worry. This combined with a couple of discontinued projects got me started. This time was a little different though - I was not as worried as I would have been even a year ago. As I look at my life, there has never been a time when God did not provide. It makes my worry seem so foolish. I am grateful that I am growing here, and pray for even more growth. Back soon.

Forgive me Father for I have sinned...

Click on picture to see a larger image. I was on Sacred Space(one of my favorites - the link is in the side bar), and they had some thoughts today that seemed to hit home. So I'd like to share part of it. Here is part of what they wrote: "...When God looks at me, he desires me and is saying: You are desirable. I made you good. I want you. God sees me as his daughter or son, whom he loves. He says: You are mine. His gaze says: I delight in you. Can I accept this gaze of love? Or do I run back into disapproval of myself?...." I went to confession today - we all go as a family (poor Mike has to wait for us - he starts second grade this year, so not too much longer until he can do more than wait). I felt that giddy feeling afterwards, when your soul is all fresh and clean. I don't know if others have that feeling, but when I make an honest confession - I feel liberated (and loved)! Anyways, the quote above got me thinking.... I know EXACTLY what this is like! I had been going to confession once a year (or so) for some time. None of them were as full as they should be, and I should have gone more often. Why was I falling down here? Some of it was pride (what do I need a priest for, I can go straight to God). Some of it was that I didn't want to confess certain things. Why? Because I didn't forgive myself. I disapproved of me. The funny thing is, a lot of people who know me would be surprised at that. When I was in the corporate world, I was seen as confident. Some would have said I could stand a little humility (and they would have been right). But at the same time, I did not seek forgiveness, because I wasn't able to forgive myself. I am not sure of the exact relationship between this self-disapproval (unworthiness, shame, etc.?) and pride - but I see a connection. What do you think? I really would like your opinions. Whatever the answer to the connection, I do know this. I finally had a fabulous confession - I laid it all out on the line. I even wrote things down because I wanted to get it all out and have an absolutely clean start. But it required two things: 1. I had to set aside my pride, and humble myself before God, and the priest that stands in for Christ and the body of Christ (that is all of you). Once I humbled myself, I could seek out God and ask for forgiveness. The other thing I had to do, was believe I was worth forgiving. THAT is the connection to the quote above. I think that doing both, humbling myself and believing I was worthy, were two sides of the same coin - I was greater than I feared in God's eyes, and less than I pretended in my own. When I made my confession, I said my greatest sin was my pride. I acted as if I knew better than the Church, I didn't really need a pries to confess all my sins, I knew what was sinful and what was not. But I was afraid to admit this! As I reflect on how I feared bearing my soul (and being vulnerable) in prepping for that confession and how I avoided having that true confession for such a long time, I have to ask why. In the end, it is exactly what the quote above said. Yes I was sinful, but it was my inability to forgive myself that led to a growing rift between me and God. And from that rift, grew my pride (which is a poor substitute for God's love). The feeling I had after that confession was unbelievable. I wanted to run out and do my penance immediately. I was filled with joy. I wanted to dance and sing, do things for others, tell people about God, write blogs and leave encouraging comments for others. :) I am happy to say, that I felt the same exuberance today, even though it had only been a little longer than a month since my last confession. Letting God love you, and loving him back is pretty darn good! God's love, and that fresh clean soul feeling... you just can't beat it! Thank you Lord for confession! Tags: Christianity, Catholicism, Pride, Unworthy, Confession

“Thy Will Be Done” or “My Will Be Done” – Part II

click picture for larger image I had meant to get part two out yesterday, but work has heated up. And when it is your anniversary, other priorities demand the attention of any free time. So I have this today. Part I can be found by clicking here. In Part I, I discussed greed. A second stumbling block in praying “Thy Will Be Done” is pride. The Catholic Encyclopedia starts off with a succinct description of Pride: “Pride is the excessive love of one's own excellence.” How does this form a stumbling block for us? It is because we think we don’t need any guidance. We believe we are quite capable of figuring out right and wrong on our own, thank you very much. When I was in High School I had the privilege of going to Our Lady Queen of Angels Seminary. I really enjoyed the religion classes – from reading encyclicals with Fr. Ziemann to Church History with Fr. Burnham to senior religion class with Fr. Dober. In Fr. Dober’s class we discussed the role of our conscience, and how we must obey our conscience, and that we will be ultimately judged against it. Well, that was enough for me. After telling Fr. Ziemann the year before that the Church needed to stay out of the bedroom, I had all I needed to feed my pride. Now, I thought, I could do whatever pleased me. It also formed a political belief that even heinous acts were OK, so long as the person'sconscience thought they were OK (and they didn't hurt anyone). Basically, pride and arrogance lead to this relativist thinking. “Hey, I’m good with it, so it must be OK” and “whatever you think is good is up to you.” So we say “It doesn’t matter if it says different in the Bible – that is just interpretation; and what does the Church know – they’re still in the dark ages.” Of course, I de-emphasized the part of Fr. Dober's teaching that said a conscience must be informed by Holy Scripture and the teachings of the Church. I didn't want to think about how it was my responsibility to study Scripture and learn what the church teaches and why. The thing is my conscience actually knew better. All along, when I would say that I was following my conscience, there was a part of me that knew I was fooling myself. I think this issue is hard for those in the United States, and I suspect for other developed democracies. We vote on issues, and my vote is as good as any other (unless you are in Florida). Everyone is equal under the law, and all are free to express their opinions. With this, we can easily confuse political tolerance with morality. Just because someone can say something does not make it true. Just because different perspectives are rightly tolerated in a democracy – does not mean that all perspectives are right. But it is easy, especially when you believe in the value of democracy, to lapse into this relativism. We set ourselves up as heads of our own individual churches. We reject Church teachings and the Scriptures, because “we know better.” But we do know better. Deep down, we know we are not wiser than God. We do need the Bible and the teachings of His Church. We know that 2000 years of study and prayer, are better informed than my current and often sinful view. If we let go of our pride and our need to control, then we are truly liberated. When we humbly approach God for teaching and guidance, then we can follow our conscience. Then we can pray "Thy will be done" and truly mean it. Tags: Christianity, Catholicism, Pride, Our Father

“Thy Will Be Done” or “My Will Be Done” – Part I

Cross in cemetery at Santa Barbara mission. Click for a larger image. When I pray the Our Father, I will often stop and contemplate one of the specific phrases. From "Our Father" to "deliver us from evil," I find meditating upon each, provides a special opportunity to open oneself to God. The phrase I stop on most is "Thy will be done." I think that praying this AND actually meaning it is the hardest thing for someone (especially an American) to do - at least it has presented a great challenge for me. I think the problem for me (and perhaps more than me?) comes in two distinct parts: greed and pride. I believe that these two sins are the greatest threat to living a Christian life. I'd like to share my thoughts on greed today and pride tomorrow. The first sense is one of greed. "My will" gives us more of what we want. We really mean "let my will be Thy will.". The thinking is tantamount to the following: "I want what I want, and I want it ASAP." We want to make more money. We want new things (car, house, computer, golf clubs, etc.). We want others to be a certain way. We want to be admired. We want recognition. We want to be in charge. We are focused on what we want, not what God wants - "my will" not "Thy will." But "my will" doesn't work! It leads to anxiety, worry, and stress. We fret over situations, other people, our own abilities, or obstacles that stand between us and our goals. And when we do achieve them, we are unfulfilled - we want more and move on to the next conquest. "My will" does not feed the soul. A focus on "my will" can also negatively change who we are. I work for myself now (and I am the toughest boss I ever had), but I had been a VP at a Fortune 1000 company. Being in my 30's, I was doing pretty well by the world's standard, and could have gone even further in the corporate world. But climbing the ladder requires an intense focus on goals to achieve success. You can end up trading things you need to get what you want - time with family vs. time at work, compassion vs. company politics, helping others vs. helping me, growing a family vs. growing a bank account, building community vs. putting in the hours. In contrast "Thy will" frees us and fills us. By doing "Thy will" we let go of control, and let God direct us. We still have goals, but now our effort is seeking alignment with God's will through an ongoing process of discernment. We still work and strive, but it is different when we give up the driver's seat. God does not stop filling us with love if we don't succeed in the way the world judges. To God, "how" we live is more important than what we accomplish. When we accept this, and stop judging ourselves on the World's terms, He will accomplish what he judges as great through us. When we can surrender that control, we can say "Thy will be done" and truly mean it. Tags: Catholicism, Christianity, Our Father, Prayer, Greed