Celebrity And The God Shaped Hole

Two stories that caught my attention in the past 24 hours: Marinovich arrested in Newport - OCRegister.com: "NEWPORT BEACH - Onetime standout USC quarterback Todd Marinovich faces the latest in a long run of legal troubles after being charged with felony drug possession and resisting a police officer. Marinovich, 38, allegedly ran from police who tried to stop him about 1:15 a.m. Sunday for skateboarding near the Newport Pier boardwalk, where skateboarding is prohibited. He was found hiding in a carport about 1:30 a.m., police Sgt. Evan Sailor said. After searching Marinovich, police found about one gram of methamphetamine, a metal spoon and a hypodermic needle, Sailor said." Owen Wilson Was Hooked on Heroin, Cocaine - foxnews.com "Funnyman actor Owen Wilson was hooked on heroin and cocaine, struggling with depression and hanging out with the wrong crowd in the months before his attempted suicide, according to a bombshell new report. ... And his friends are placing the blame squarely on Wilson's newfound best buddy, British actor Steve Coogan.... " Here are two boys (I choose the term purposely) who are about my age (Owen is 38 as well as Marinovich). By the standards of the world, they have it all. They have fame. They have made money in amounts I can only imagine. And yet there is something terribly missing. These boys have yet to become genuine men. Oh certainly they are men in the physical sense, but they are behaving as unruly rebellious children. They are trying to fill a whole. But it is a God shaped whole that cannot be filled with drugs or fame or money. Only God will satisfy. Only when they turn to Him can they put aside their childish ways and become genuine men. Both of these reports call to mind the prodigal son who squandered the gifts of the father on having a good time before hitting bottom. I pray that like the prodigal son, these two will turn to God. Only He can fill the hole.

Pride and the Poor

When I had finished all of my schooling, I remember talking politics with my father - I think it was about welfare and helping the poor in our society. I was saying that everyone has the same opportunity and that why should those of us who have struggled and created a place for ourselves be responsible for the bad decisions of other. My logic was personal and prideful. I come from a humble blue collar background. My parents had only a high school education, and I have memories of their struggles (especially when my father was injured at work). They put me and my siblings through Catholic school in spite of the cost. My dad had me working at grocery stores with him to understand what working meant. I paid my way through college, and came out the other side. I got a good paying job. I had worked hard and made it. It involved choices, and I made good ones. So, I didn’t see why I should be asked to pay for the poor choices of others. My father looked at me and told me that others did not have what I had, and that what I had been given was a gift, not something I was entitled to. I have been given genetics that provided me intelligence. I have been given parents that sacrificed what they wanted so I could have an education. I have been given a father who showed me what hard work was and what responsibility looked like. My very existence is a gift. Certainly what I have accomplished took will and perseverance, but even these are gifts. I have been given so much, how could I look down on others who have not been given these gifts? How could I think that I was better because I had been given more? We are not “self made” people. Who we are is a gift - from our genetics, to our up-bringing, to our experiences. This does not make one of us better than another - just different. Pride can ruin our souls. It can make us think we deserve what we have and those less fortunate deserve what they have. It can harden our heart to the plight of others, blaming those who suffer for their suffering. This is a shame, because suffering too is a gift. To the one who suffers it is an opportunity to share in Christ’s suffering. To others it is an opportunity to meet Christ. Not one of us deserves what we have. It is all a gift. It is all an opportunity. What will you do with yours?

On Christian Pride Part II

I have been reading much of the reaction that the American (and other) bishops and the entrenched liturgical establishment has to say about the Moto Proprio, Summorum Pontificum, that Pope Benedict released 10 days ago. Fr. Z has a listing of these, with intelligent commentary (far more intelligent than most of the original pieces). His July 2007 listings can be found here: What Does The Prayer Really Say? » 2007 » July. When I read the reactions of our leaders, I was saddened by the pride and arrogance that many of the responses exhibit, which prompts this post. I posted on Christian Pride previously, and want to continue my thoughts in light of the current developments. What does pride look like? It goes something like this. I don't need to listen to you. Who cares what the Church says. The Church doesn't know what its talking about. I don't not need to pay attention to the Bible. Who do you think you are to tell me what to do? I know what is best for myself. I know better than you what needs to be done. What, do you think I'm stupid that I need your help? I have a brain to think for myself, I certainly don't need to be told what to think. I will only believe what I see, I will not trust the word of others. My own counsel will I keep. We all have seen this kind of thinking. I suspect we all have thought this way. I certainly know I have. But this thinking is the root of sin. It sets up whoever thinks this way as their own god. It stiffens the neck and hardens the heart. When we are called back to the truth, to repentance, it fights the soul within us that wants to return to God. This is the real plague that threatens Western civilization. Our culture tells us we are all little kings of our own realms, gods of our own existence. This fatally flawed perspective tells us that there is no right and wrong, except as the individual sees it (relativism feeds and insulates pride). This pride even infects our Church. Bishops that resist the lead of the Pope demonstrate it. They want to be head of the Church and resist following the Vicar of Christ. Liberal religious advocates speak from this very place. They argue that the Church is wrong, that our tradition is not sacred, that we do not need to believe the teachings of the Church, and that, somehow, the Church was wrong in its teachings before the 60's, and is wrong now on a number of important issues. Those that argue the Holy Spirit abandoned the Church at Vatican II show this arrogance as well. Both groups share the foolish pride that they have the truth and that Christ's own Church is too ignorant to see it. We have seen this sinful pride before in our history. We saw it as the unity of the Church was splintered at the Great Schism and during the Protestant Reformation. Those episodes resulted in fractures in the Body of Christ that have yet to heal. To many of our wayward brothers have not yet returned home. We are facing the same situation today. But it is not from the extreme traditionalists - they have had their say and only a fringe are willing to leave the Church with them (though we should strive to keep all within the Church). No, it is the liberal side of the Church that is the greater threat. This group says they are Catholic, but in their arrogance reject what is Catholic and what is Sacred. So what can we do? We all must humble ourselves before God. We must answer whether we believe what we say every Sunday in the Nicene Creed. If so, we must follow the leader of the One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church. We must open our hearts and bend our knees. Pray for forgiveness, and receive the Holy Spirit. All lay, and all priests, and all bishops who serve the Lord, set aside your pride and open your hearts!

On Christian Pride - Part I

I have some thoughts on Pride especially when found in Christians, and particularly the Catholic variety. This is the first of at least two parts. The concept of Christian Pride or Catholic Pride is an oxymoron. I am glad I am Christian. I am grateful to God most high that I am Catholic. It is a sacred gift to have been born thus. It is a gift from God that I was given parents and nuns and priests who catechized me well. It is still a greater gift that the fire of the Holy Spirit has touched me with a thirst for knowledge about the true faith and a desire to live it. But pride...? Many see pride as a good thing (e.g., "I'm proud of you," or "I am proud to be an American (or whatever group)." But what is the opposite of pride? We have an answer from the Thesaurus. The opposite of pride is humility, modesty, and shame. We are called to be both humble and modest. These are set clearly against pride. How then can we be proud of being Catholic Christians when being called to Christ means to seek humility and live modestly? If I am proud to be an American (or Christian or of Irish decent), does that mean all who are not should live in shame? I understand being grateful. I understand pledging my heartfelt allegiance. I understand owing a debt to those who have given me the great gifts I have. But does that make me superior to others? Am I God that I can make such a judgment? Being blessed with gifts should not be a source of judging those who do not have these gifts - rather they impose a burden of responsibility. "When much has been given a man, much will be required of him. More will be asked of a man to whom more has been entrusted." Lk 13:48

A Catholic American or an American Catholic?

Tomorrow is the 4th of July. The day we Americans celebrate the birth of our nation. I have always been patriotic, and that increased after the 9/11 attacks. But what does it mean to be an American, and how does that fit in with being a Catholic? I would consider myself patriotic, and believe that I live in one of the greatest nations that have ever existed. I have always loved the freedom afforded by my government. That freedom allows a man to live as his conscience dictates. We are free to do what we believe to be right. America is great because of the freedom and opportunity it affords. And America has taken its responsibility as a member of the world seriously. While not perfect, I must say the world would be a very worse place without the United States in WWI, WWII, and standing up to the communists in the Cold War. I honor the brave soldiers who have answered the call to duty in all conflicts to defend the liberty we hold dear and extend hope to others. America is a great country and I am glad I am an American. But I am also Catholic. And the two sets of values - American and Catholic, are not always in sync. Modern American values see freedom as being free to do whatever you want, while Catholics see freedom as being free to do what we are called to do. There are many "Catholic" politicians in America who are "cultural" Catholics. In fact, most Catholic politicians publicly espouse values that are counter what faithful Catholic believes. They do so, in the name of "freedom." They will not defend the life of an unborn child because women need to be "free." They are even willing to force those of us who believe differently to pay for these murders (poor women need to be "free" to murder their unborn children too). They undermine the sanctity of marriage because others should be "free" to have the government equate their sin with my sacrament. They argue that my voice has no place in the public square, unless I check my Catholicity at the door, as if it were a coat I could take off. These are Catholic Americans. They are Catholic to the extent that it describes their culture of origin, like an Irish American, Italian American, or Asian American. It is important to one's identity - but not the central component. It is the adjective, not the noun. I value being an American, but for me, it is the adjective to the noun of being Catholic. Being Catholic is central to my identity. Being an American describes the culture I come from (to be accurate, I am and American Roman Catholic). More important than all of the freedoms, successes, virtues, and faults that come with living in the United States is my struggle toward heaven in the Church founded by Christ himself. If I had to give up either being American or being Catholic, the answer is easy for me. I will always be Catholic. What would your choice be? Have a safe and happy 4th of July! God Bless America!

Champions of Faith

I finally got to watch Champions of Faith. It is a DVD of Catholic professional baseball players sharing their faith and how it has impacted them in life and in the game. It intermingles baseball as a metaphor for life with real world life examples from these players lives. Before I was offered the opportunity to review it, a friend in my Cursillo group mentioned the film. It sounded kind of interesting, but I made no move to get it. When I got an email asking if I wanted to evaluate it, I figured that if God had to throw a third pitch, I might be caught looking so I took a swing. Well I loved it. In a world where faith is hidden and ridiculed, here are men stepping up to share how their faith impacts their lives. This example alone makes it worth watching and sharing with our kids. Wow what a challenge to the rest of us. But the film has more than that - it has some good stories in here, and the guide can be used as a reflection on life. It was also exciting to see some of my childhood ball heroes and those whose careers I watched standing up to be counted. There are lots of folks, but I particularly enjoyed Mike Piazza's story (and the cameos from Mike Scioscia). Check it out. It is definitely worth a look. I watched it with my son. I am glad he got to see these men talking about their faith in Jesus Christ, praying the rosary, going to mass, talking about the importance of the Eucharist. This would be good for families with kids who play or follow sports. Might be good for a youth group too. The link to the site is for Champions of Faith is here. Check it out.

Almsgiving

I would bet that many of you who were raised Catholic can remember getting the cardboard "rice bowls" at Lent (I don't remember seeing them in a while). The nuns at my school would make sure that each of us had one. I remember sacrificing just a bit to fill that bowl. As an adult, my giving has been different. I usually give more with checks than what is in my pocket. While this is not bad, it is not as frequent as constant smaller offerings. With so many churches no longer having a "poor box" there is not even that weekly reminder of our need to give alms. A priest friend has made a suggestion that I wanted to share. The suggestion was to have an alms jar in the house. We bought a clay jar on one of our mission visits (you can see photos from all our California mission visits by clicking here). All of us in the family donate to this daily. When the jar gets full enough we will give it to a local organization that feeds the poor or houses the homeless. I wanted to share this because I was struck by the simplicity and effectiveness of this way for teaching our children this important "act of religion." Every morning I remind the kids to put something in the alms jar from their allowance or gift money or tidbits they may have earned here or there. But not only teaching my children, this has provided the constant reminder to me of the importance of giving to the poor - and making them a part of my busy daily life. This post is cross posted at Catholic Dads.

Me monk. Me meander.: Public Liturgical Roles: Lectors, Cantors, Extraordinary Ministers of Communion, Cantors and PROPER CLOTHING

Me monk. Me meander.: Public Liturgical Roles: Lectors, Cantors, Extraordinary Ministers of Communion, Cantors and PROPER CLOTHING Check out Fr. Stephanos' thoughts on attire at mass. It is important to keep in mind the profound reasons behind the simple things we do - like dress "up" for Mass.

Me monk. Me meander.: Spirituality and Men

Check out: Me monk. Me meander.: Spirituality and Men This is an excellent list of Fr. Stephonos posts on authentic Christian masculinity. Highly recommended.

Advice For Couples Starting Out

Click on picture for larger image At Catholic Dads, there has been some discussions on the pluses and minuses of NFP (Natural Family Planning - for those who don't know it is an effective way to plan when children are born without resorting to artificial contraceptives). I don’t want to comment directly on that discussion, but I do want to share my perspective guided by my own experiences on family planning. I am not judging anyone (except perhaps myself), just hoping that insights I have gained from my experience might help a new or soon to be husband. We got married at 23, and did not have our first child until 28. We planned it that way. We got married knowing that a family was important to us, but the conventional wisdom was to go to school and get financially settled - and we bought that "wisdom." When we got married, I was just starting five years of graduate school and Mrs. K had a year left as an undergrad and then got a masters degree. We were busy getting set for the “future.” My daughter was born about a month before I finished my dissertation - so we timed it pretty close to plan. That was more than 10 years ago. Having children changes everything, including how you see the world. As I look back, I regret that we followed the conventional wisdom. I am sorry we waited until we had finished our schooling. The most fulfilling part of my life is my relationship with my wife and children. I waited five years to discover what God had in store for me. Further, it installed a habit of looking at family set against finance and career. My degree has allowed me to do well for myself, but I have found the the more money I have made, the less happy I have been (it takes time to make money). This makes sense when we realize that we are created to love one another, not to be consumers or workaholics. In the end, the conventional wisdom sets up a pattern of choosing financial wellbeing over family life and spiritual wellbeing. I have some advice to those just setting out, or those waiting to have kids. It stems from my wishing I had done differently. It is this: Don’t wait to have kids, and don’t limit your love by a number. God will provide what is needed. Have faith.

Authentic Masculinity

Fr Stephanos O.S.B. from Me Monk. Me Meander recommends two articles for Catholic Dads, but I thought they were worth posting here as well. The Firemen of Sept. 11 and the Meaning of Masculinity What’s a real man? He's not a bully or a wimp. He transcends his own ego, his own fears, his own selfishness, and sacrifices himself as a gift to those he's called to protect. Here is a quote from the article: "The reason gay marriage seems plausible to some people is that our understanding of masculinity is blurred, thanks to 35 years of hostility to authentic manhood in the universities, in the media, in the arts. There's a masculinity crisis in our society and in the Church. The divorce rate is at 50-percent. Fatherless families are common. Catholic priests are in crisis. Many men aren't doing what they're supposed to do." The Father Almighty, Maker of Male and Female A Psychologist Looks at the Importance of God the Father for Male & Female Identity And a quote: "IT IS WIDELY RECOGNIZED today that the Christian concept of God as Father is under attack. Specifically, various religious writers, primarily feminists, have proposed that God should be called Mother, or possibly the androgynous Father/Mother or Mother/Father. In some instances the term God as Parent has been proposed. In contrast, this paper will explore the psychological case for the orthodox understanding of God as Father. Obviously, this is a sensitive subject today—but where angels fear to tread, psychologists rush in."

Fatherhood & Faith

Click on picture for larger image Check out this 2003 article in Touchstone titled “The Truth About Men & Church.” It is about the role of fathers in the transmission of faith. Here is an excerpt: “In short, if a father does not go to church, no matter how faithful his wife’s devotions, only one child in 50 will become a regular worshipper. If a father does go regularly, regardless of the practice of the mother, between two-thirds and three-quarters of their children will become churchgoers (regular and irregular). If a father goes but irregularly to church, regardless of his wife’s devotion, between a half and two-thirds of their offspring will find themselves coming to church regularly or occasionally. A non-practicing mother with a regular father will see a minimum of two-thirds of her children ending up at church. In contrast, a non-practicing father with a regular mother will see two-thirds of his children never darken the church door. If his wife is similarly negligent that figure rises to 80 percent!” "....You cannot feminize the church and keep the men, and you cannot keep the children if you do not keep the men." I think our example as men doing what is right while facing the “realities” of the world is the most powerful weapon we have in safeguarding the faith of our children. As a church, the battle is clear - to ensure our future, we must engage fathers. Btw, if your a Catholic dad, consider joining Catholic Dads.

Coffee or Cup?

Click on picture for a larger image. A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite ? Telling them to help themselves with the hot coffee. When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups. Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. Some times, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it." I am reprinting this from Providence of Grace.

Nightline Feb-22 2007

I just watched Nightline (2/22/07), and there was a report of an organization that exemplifies the culture of death and the extreme selfishness in our culture. The company, ironically, is called Abraham Center for Life. This unethical company gets select (PhD) sperm donors, matches them to attractive egg donors and sends the donated eggs and sperm for in vitro fertilization. These are then sold to infertile couples. Aside from the fact that in vitro fertilization results in the deaths and freezing of countless embryos (i.e., human life), this procedure amounts to creating designer babies. This logical conclusion from the current system is abhorrent, and represent another step in the cheapening of human life. This is not about providing needed homes for unwanted children, this is about creating life for selfish ends. The couple interviewed in the piece demonstrate how such a despicable organization can survive. This couple decided to not have kids because of career (read selfish), then found out they couldn’t have them. In the report, when asked why they want children, it came down to that it was expected, that it would be “nice to breastfeed and bond with a baby.” How can our society accept this? How are there people who would do this? Lord, have mercy, for we are unworthy.

Metal As In A Forge

Yesterday I was writing about whether I am doing all that I should given the talents God has given me. Is this wondering about myself a manifestation of pride? Perhaps I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be, and if I was more humble I would recognize that. I guess I want to do more, and I am dissatisfied with what I have done and am currently doing. I feel the need to give more. I feel so very blessed, but that I have taken too much and given too little. I look at my parents and others around me whom I would like to imitate (indeed, Christ Himself), and I see people who give more than I think I give. Is my comparison here prideful? I do not begrudge their impact – I am glad of the results and happy to see God’s will done. But I also feel sadness that I am not doing more. When I feel this way, I suspect that God is answering my prayers for greater humility AND shaping me for something that I cannot see. When I pray on this, I have repeatedly had an image come to me: of metal being hammered as in a forge, as though I am being shaped for some purpose. This image has conveyed a couple of messages. First, being shaped to do God’s will is not pain-free. Second, the one hammering loves the metal and what the metal is and what the metal will become. I feel God’s presence at such times, and I know in my heart that He is asking for my patience and that the hammering is necessary if I am to be what He intends. When this image comes to me, I welcome it. I want to be shaped. I want to become what I am intended to become. Sometimes, I just wish I didn't have to wait. Patience is not an easy thing for me. I think that is why I need the practice.

Person of Consequence

One of the things about giving up a VP job and working for yourself is that you wonder sometimes if you are a person of consequence. While there were many people below me and my decisions carried weight in determining the course of a company, it was clear that I was at least in a position of consequence. I even got to be on TV a couple times. As I have moved to working on my own, it is less clear that what I do matters. Now, I must say that I think my life before was consequential as the world counts it, but it was corrupting to the soul, and I am glad that I was able to change. I also know that I matter immensely to my family and even to my small circle of close friends. But I wonder is my life of consequence in His eyes. I know God loves all of us, and we all are important to Him. Yes, yes, got that. But I also know that to whom much is given, much is expected. I wonder if I am measuring up in this way. Am I doing what I need to be doing? Am I doing enough of it? Am I using my talents as He would? Looking back on my life, I know that I could have used my talents less selfishly, but am I doing the best I can now? Am I living my faith? I do not want to be the rich young man who turns and walks away. Lord, guide me down the path that you have set for me. Help me to follow you, to set aside my own aspirations and to go where you lead. Amen.

Humility, Worry, and Growth

It has been hectic since the baptism. I have had to finish a couple of projects, I had a school board meeting for our Catholic school, and we had family visiting from Indiana. Not much time to put in a blog. Everyone is doing well, I continue to do alright with Gracie. I have it rigged pretty good. She is getting more and more delightful as well. She has started smiling and we hear the beginnings of laughs. On a personal note, I had a humbling experience last week. I was confronted with an error I had made. I had to own it - and that was not pleasant. I have been working on humility for years, and it is still not easy. This error was work related to work. Now, those who know me, know that I worry. This combined with a couple of discontinued projects got me started. This time was a little different though - I was not as worried as I would have been even a year ago. As I look at my life, there has never been a time when God did not provide. It makes my worry seem so foolish. I am grateful that I am growing here, and pray for even more growth. Back soon.

Unethical - Guaranteed!

The academy is surprised that scientists claiming to perform unethical research are not always honest. You see, what we really need is a governing body to guarantee truthfulness in all unethical science. That way we are sure when someone has done what should not be done. That is just the kind of safeguards we need - not from the unethical behavior, but from the false reporting of it. WOW! The claim is that they want science to be about truth. I think they miss the point, what they are really asking is that science be about fact - truth does not belong to the purview of the fact seeking, ethics & morality be damned, just because I can, scientists. Not that I have an opinion or anything. Tags: Rant, Science, Ethics

An Intended Life

Click on picture to see a larger image. Socrates is credited with saying "The unexamined life is not worth living." I beleive that every life is a gift from God and inherently worth living. Still, there is truth that examining one's life is of tremendous value both to the self and to others who can benefit from our examination. But I think there is something that needs to come before examining life, and, IMHO, is more important than an examined life. It is an intended life. If I simply do, and later examine - that is valuable. I may learn. Others may learn. But it is reactive - I wait until after the fact to determine my motivation. This is backwards - it puts action before thought. In contrast, and intended life is purposeful. It strives to reach, to achieve. It is active. In my Superordinate Goals post I wrote about the two goals that I believe stand above all goals. I also wrote about how to walk back using my "Four Year Old's Interview" moving from behavior - to uncover what goals may be motivating what we do. There is another way to move between motivation and behavior. Rather than start with behavior and work backwards by asking why, start with the highest level goals and ask how. What do you want to do? How are you going to get there? So you want to get to Heaven - Great! How? Be a priest/nun? Be a good spouse/parent? Develop a deeper prayer life? Be a witness to my faith? Be a servant to others? In turn, how do you want to achieve each of these? When asking why we do what we do, and comparing that to what we want and the plans we have to get there, we can be surprised by the incongruence: For example, starting with behavior: I work long hours Because I want resources Because I want to provide for my family Because I want to be a good husband/father If I start from the other end, at the goal: I want to be a good husband/father So I want to spend more time with my family So I need to spend less time working. Of course life is a tad more complex, but it illustrates how we can get different answers when we start at different places. Here the goals are the same (though this is not always the case), but the behaviors are diametrically opposed. If we stay with looking backwards - just examining our lives, we can be complacent. Sure we can uncover behavior that does not align with who we want to be, but it does not lead to new behavior. To really move forward we need to not only examine our lives, but seize the initiative. We must identify our goals, and move toward them. Of course identifying our goals is the first, and perhaps hardest task - I want to be a better Christian. Now, HOW do I do that? What are YOUR goals? How are YOU moving toward them? Tags: motivation, goals, intended life

Superordinate Goals

Click on picture to see a larger image. There are two superordinate goals in life. All other goals are subordinate to these or detract from them. The first is to get to Heaven. The second is to help other people get to Heaven. My dissertation was on goals and how people achieve them and their relation to personality. One of the things I used to do in my research was conduct what I called my "Four Year Old's Interview." I even taped a couple of interviews doing this. I would start by asking people what they did yesterday. I then asked why, and the answer had to start with "I want/wanted to...". This would repeat until we could go no farther. An interesting phenomenon occurred. What people did boiled down to only a few core motivations - e.g., "to take care of my family." Why did you stop to get coffee - because I wanted to be able to keep going during the day. Why did you want to keep going during the day - because I want to do well at my job. Why did you want to do well at your job - because I want to provide for my family. Why did you want to provide for your family - geez, that's what I want. I love them. Of course real life is a bit more complex than this example and these ladders actually branch out (e.g., I want to socialize with friends AND keep going at work when I get coffee), but at the ultimate motivation level they kept coming back to the same small set of motivations. Each person's life is rooted in certain goals that guided much of what they do. This was not depth psychology (looking at hidden motivations), but it was insightful to watch how people would get to a where they could go no farther - and how it fit each person distinctly. Why do we have these goals that guide us? Those who refuse God have no answer here. They are stuck with "geez, that's just what I want." It either feels right, or feels good, or because society tells them too - all very dissatisfying answers. But for those who are open to God, there is an answer! I take care of my family because I want to spend eternity with God and I want them there too. I do what charity I do because I want to go to heaven and I want those I am helping to go as well. I build loving friendships because that is how I can experience God - it helps me get to Heaven (and hopefully my friends too). If we can't tie our motivations back to these two goals we are wasting our time and the time of others. If our motivations do not have these ultimate goals, then what we do is meaningless. It may feel good, it may help me get by, but it really doesn't matter. If what we do is counter to these two goals, then I would call it sinful. What did you do yesterday? Why did you do it? Tags: motivation, Heaven

What color hat do you wear?

Click on picture to see a larger image. I am back from Atlanta, and things went well there. It was good to see a couple of old friends, and the presentations went very well. Finishing the work needed for this trip has been a definite weight off of my shoulders. I have been thinking about some issues and would love your perspective. I want to state something that I see as a plain fact. All people are not equal. I think that the concept of equality before the law (i.e., the law treats all as equal) is a good concept for running a justice system, but in terms of the rest of life...I don't think it is a good concept. Not everyone is smart. Not everyone is athletic. Not everyone is good looking. Not everyone is creative. Not everyone is good with numbers. Not everyone is insightful. Not everyone is good natured. Not everyone is right. Because of our relativistic approach in society, we end up acting as if anything and everything is AOK. All people are equal, all ideas are equal, all perspectives are equal. I say bologna! I wish I was more artistic than I am. I am just not. Some people just can't get up in front of a group to speak - I am pretty good at it. In some circumstances or for some purposes, creativity is what is required. Other times, certain leadership skills may be the right trick. It is good that people are not the same. You know what else, pretending that everyone is the same is silly. The same is true for ideas, If one person says the sun rises in the East and another the West, there is not compromise to be had. If one person says Christ rose from the dead, and another says he did not - there is no equality of perspective. There is a phenomenon in education where people are overly concerned about self-esteem. They won't give spelling tests because it makes kids who can't spell feel bad. You see, some kids actually have an easier time with spelling, but calling this out defeats the perspective of equality and may make some kids feel bad because they struggle with spelling. This would be hilarious if it wasn't so dangerous. Self esteem isn't something you need to protect so it doesn't get damaged - it is something that you earn through success. We should be giving children opportunities to develop their talents not fragile egos propped up with delusional self-esteem. Have you ever noticed that everyone says they are a "good person." Look at our world, heck just look at our society. How can we claim to all be good and have the homeless we do, or the high percentage of people in jail, or the uninsured, or all the people below the poverty line, or prejudice, etc. If we were all good, we would solve these problems - heck we would really care about them. Instead, when it comes to elections, what do we hear about? When is the last time anyone asked what we are going to do about the homeless in politics? Good people? Hmpf. Here is my opinion - we are not all good. I don't think there are a lot of evil people out there either, if by evil we mean those who seek to intentionally do harm. But there are too many who will not do anything for someone else if it requires any effort or sacrifice. Good is not the absence of evil - it is a positive manifestation of love that requires effort and sacrifice. If most people aren't good and aren't evil, what are they? Just selfish. Think about the old westerns. The good guys wore white hats and the bad guys wore black hats. I think most people wear grey hats. They are neither good nor bad - merely selfish. What color hat do you wear? Tags: relativism, equality

Work and Choices

Click on picture to see a larger image. I haven't posted in nearly a week. It has been pretty intense lately. I work for myself. I left my corporate job about a year and a half ago, and am glad I did. I missed So Cal. Turns out I'd rather be conservative in a blue state than liberal in a red state - but I'll save that for another blog. In addition to missing the left coast (I was in Atlanta), I was burned out. Corporate culture can impact you if you are trying to climb the ladder. I was and it did. I was talking with friends this weekend. We were celebrating my upcoming birthday (we use birthdays as an excuse for enjoying good company, good food, and good wine). The topic turned to values and current culture. Looking back, I see that I fell into a value trap. I valued money, recognition and prestige. I got them. But the more I got, the less happy I was. I also found that there was never enough - I kept pouring more money in, but the bucket kept getting bigger too. I found that recognition is fleeting, and satisfies for only a moment. When I was late in my college career, I wanted to be a marriage and family counselor, but got into a research PhD program. You see, I thought a PhD is more prestigious than a master's degree, I told myself - and the program invited me to apply, it fed right into my ego. I then was going to be a professor. I was all set, too. I knew the right people and was positioned for a career in personality psychology. But I ended up "selling out" for the money. I actually got the chance to do some side teaching at UCLA. I loved it, but by that time I was addicted to the revenue from my full time job, and couldn't go back. In the end, a PhD is no better than someone without one. A VP at a company is no better than someone who is not. And having things does not satisfy like I thought it would when I had not. What has satisfied? My marriage. My friends. My faith. Doing for others. I see God's hand in my corporate journey. I have learned. And God has used me for His ends. At each place I have been, I have been ideally positioned to help someone or some group for the better, at school, at work or in my community. THAT satisfies! But I wish I had taken the direct route to helping others, and not done it "on the side." I am working rather hard right now (this month in particular, but the larger "now" as well). I am trying to get off the treadmill. It helps to remember that goal when I start to feel overwhelmed. I need to shrink my bucket so that I can make a switch. To do this, I am in the odd position of actually having to work even harder. But now I have a goal to end the cycle. In the long run, I hope to get retrained as a marriage and family counselor. I think that was my calling - I wish I had listened sooner. Oh, the picture is of Pismo Beach. I have been working so hard, that I thought it appropriate. Man, I wish I was there! Tags:Work, Values

Forgive me Father for I have sinned...

Click on picture to see a larger image. I was on Sacred Space(one of my favorites - the link is in the side bar), and they had some thoughts today that seemed to hit home. So I'd like to share part of it. Here is part of what they wrote: "...When God looks at me, he desires me and is saying: You are desirable. I made you good. I want you. God sees me as his daughter or son, whom he loves. He says: You are mine. His gaze says: I delight in you. Can I accept this gaze of love? Or do I run back into disapproval of myself?...." I went to confession today - we all go as a family (poor Mike has to wait for us - he starts second grade this year, so not too much longer until he can do more than wait). I felt that giddy feeling afterwards, when your soul is all fresh and clean. I don't know if others have that feeling, but when I make an honest confession - I feel liberated (and loved)! Anyways, the quote above got me thinking.... I know EXACTLY what this is like! I had been going to confession once a year (or so) for some time. None of them were as full as they should be, and I should have gone more often. Why was I falling down here? Some of it was pride (what do I need a priest for, I can go straight to God). Some of it was that I didn't want to confess certain things. Why? Because I didn't forgive myself. I disapproved of me. The funny thing is, a lot of people who know me would be surprised at that. When I was in the corporate world, I was seen as confident. Some would have said I could stand a little humility (and they would have been right). But at the same time, I did not seek forgiveness, because I wasn't able to forgive myself. I am not sure of the exact relationship between this self-disapproval (unworthiness, shame, etc.?) and pride - but I see a connection. What do you think? I really would like your opinions. Whatever the answer to the connection, I do know this. I finally had a fabulous confession - I laid it all out on the line. I even wrote things down because I wanted to get it all out and have an absolutely clean start. But it required two things: 1. I had to set aside my pride, and humble myself before God, and the priest that stands in for Christ and the body of Christ (that is all of you). Once I humbled myself, I could seek out God and ask for forgiveness. The other thing I had to do, was believe I was worth forgiving. THAT is the connection to the quote above. I think that doing both, humbling myself and believing I was worthy, were two sides of the same coin - I was greater than I feared in God's eyes, and less than I pretended in my own. When I made my confession, I said my greatest sin was my pride. I acted as if I knew better than the Church, I didn't really need a pries to confess all my sins, I knew what was sinful and what was not. But I was afraid to admit this! As I reflect on how I feared bearing my soul (and being vulnerable) in prepping for that confession and how I avoided having that true confession for such a long time, I have to ask why. In the end, it is exactly what the quote above said. Yes I was sinful, but it was my inability to forgive myself that led to a growing rift between me and God. And from that rift, grew my pride (which is a poor substitute for God's love). The feeling I had after that confession was unbelievable. I wanted to run out and do my penance immediately. I was filled with joy. I wanted to dance and sing, do things for others, tell people about God, write blogs and leave encouraging comments for others. :) I am happy to say, that I felt the same exuberance today, even though it had only been a little longer than a month since my last confession. Letting God love you, and loving him back is pretty darn good! God's love, and that fresh clean soul feeling... you just can't beat it! Thank you Lord for confession! Tags: Christianity, Catholicism, Pride, Unworthy, Confession

“Thy Will Be Done” or “My Will Be Done” – Part II

click picture for larger image I had meant to get part two out yesterday, but work has heated up. And when it is your anniversary, other priorities demand the attention of any free time. So I have this today. Part I can be found by clicking here. In Part I, I discussed greed. A second stumbling block in praying “Thy Will Be Done” is pride. The Catholic Encyclopedia starts off with a succinct description of Pride: “Pride is the excessive love of one's own excellence.” How does this form a stumbling block for us? It is because we think we don’t need any guidance. We believe we are quite capable of figuring out right and wrong on our own, thank you very much. When I was in High School I had the privilege of going to Our Lady Queen of Angels Seminary. I really enjoyed the religion classes – from reading encyclicals with Fr. Ziemann to Church History with Fr. Burnham to senior religion class with Fr. Dober. In Fr. Dober’s class we discussed the role of our conscience, and how we must obey our conscience, and that we will be ultimately judged against it. Well, that was enough for me. After telling Fr. Ziemann the year before that the Church needed to stay out of the bedroom, I had all I needed to feed my pride. Now, I thought, I could do whatever pleased me. It also formed a political belief that even heinous acts were OK, so long as the person'sconscience thought they were OK (and they didn't hurt anyone). Basically, pride and arrogance lead to this relativist thinking. “Hey, I’m good with it, so it must be OK” and “whatever you think is good is up to you.” So we say “It doesn’t matter if it says different in the Bible – that is just interpretation; and what does the Church know – they’re still in the dark ages.” Of course, I de-emphasized the part of Fr. Dober's teaching that said a conscience must be informed by Holy Scripture and the teachings of the Church. I didn't want to think about how it was my responsibility to study Scripture and learn what the church teaches and why. The thing is my conscience actually knew better. All along, when I would say that I was following my conscience, there was a part of me that knew I was fooling myself. I think this issue is hard for those in the United States, and I suspect for other developed democracies. We vote on issues, and my vote is as good as any other (unless you are in Florida). Everyone is equal under the law, and all are free to express their opinions. With this, we can easily confuse political tolerance with morality. Just because someone can say something does not make it true. Just because different perspectives are rightly tolerated in a democracy – does not mean that all perspectives are right. But it is easy, especially when you believe in the value of democracy, to lapse into this relativism. We set ourselves up as heads of our own individual churches. We reject Church teachings and the Scriptures, because “we know better.” But we do know better. Deep down, we know we are not wiser than God. We do need the Bible and the teachings of His Church. We know that 2000 years of study and prayer, are better informed than my current and often sinful view. If we let go of our pride and our need to control, then we are truly liberated. When we humbly approach God for teaching and guidance, then we can follow our conscience. Then we can pray "Thy will be done" and truly mean it. Tags: Christianity, Catholicism, Pride, Our Father

15 Year Wedding Anniversary

Lynn and kids in Yosemite. Click on picture for a larger image. I have been married to my wonderful wife Lynn for 15 years today! Over that time, we have been blessed with two children, with a third on the way. 15 years. It doesn't seem like that long at all, and I am ready to go for more! It is probably because Lynn is patient and compassionate. It takes a lot to deal with me. I suppose my making her laugh helps. We created a foundation together and built upon it. Looking back, there is one piece of advice we received that made all the difference. The priest who married us gave us this advice: For one year, you do everything together - no guys night out, no girls night out, do the chores together, go shopping together. For one year there is only we - not me, he or she. We followed that advice (Lynn thinks I needed to do better with the kitchen and laundry, but I was surprised at how well I did with even those). It totally makes you think "we." It helped us build something meant to last. Lynn is never far from my thoughts, and I do not forget or ignore the other half of "us." This is the best advice in the world. I have passed it to others (some who look at me strangely - oh well). I thank God for the wonderful life we have together. This has been the easiest commitment I ever made! J Tags: Marriage, Anniversary

“Thy Will Be Done” or “My Will Be Done” – Part I

Cross in cemetery at Santa Barbara mission. Click for a larger image. When I pray the Our Father, I will often stop and contemplate one of the specific phrases. From "Our Father" to "deliver us from evil," I find meditating upon each, provides a special opportunity to open oneself to God. The phrase I stop on most is "Thy will be done." I think that praying this AND actually meaning it is the hardest thing for someone (especially an American) to do - at least it has presented a great challenge for me. I think the problem for me (and perhaps more than me?) comes in two distinct parts: greed and pride. I believe that these two sins are the greatest threat to living a Christian life. I'd like to share my thoughts on greed today and pride tomorrow. The first sense is one of greed. "My will" gives us more of what we want. We really mean "let my will be Thy will.". The thinking is tantamount to the following: "I want what I want, and I want it ASAP." We want to make more money. We want new things (car, house, computer, golf clubs, etc.). We want others to be a certain way. We want to be admired. We want recognition. We want to be in charge. We are focused on what we want, not what God wants - "my will" not "Thy will." But "my will" doesn't work! It leads to anxiety, worry, and stress. We fret over situations, other people, our own abilities, or obstacles that stand between us and our goals. And when we do achieve them, we are unfulfilled - we want more and move on to the next conquest. "My will" does not feed the soul. A focus on "my will" can also negatively change who we are. I work for myself now (and I am the toughest boss I ever had), but I had been a VP at a Fortune 1000 company. Being in my 30's, I was doing pretty well by the world's standard, and could have gone even further in the corporate world. But climbing the ladder requires an intense focus on goals to achieve success. You can end up trading things you need to get what you want - time with family vs. time at work, compassion vs. company politics, helping others vs. helping me, growing a family vs. growing a bank account, building community vs. putting in the hours. In contrast "Thy will" frees us and fills us. By doing "Thy will" we let go of control, and let God direct us. We still have goals, but now our effort is seeking alignment with God's will through an ongoing process of discernment. We still work and strive, but it is different when we give up the driver's seat. God does not stop filling us with love if we don't succeed in the way the world judges. To God, "how" we live is more important than what we accomplish. When we accept this, and stop judging ourselves on the World's terms, He will accomplish what he judges as great through us. When we can surrender that control, we can say "Thy will be done" and truly mean it. Tags: Catholicism, Christianity, Our Father, Prayer, Greed